A “through the bible” devotion from Job 15-17.
Before you know it, the conversation between Job and his friends has descended into name calling. From trying to figure out what’s going on in Job’s life, they resort to insulting each other.
Eliphaz calls Job a bag of hot air. “Should a wise man answer with windy knowledge?” (Job 15:2) He labels Job as “abominable and corrupt” (15:16).
He doesn’t pull any punches when he points out, “The wicked man writhes in pain all his days” (15:20). I guess we know what he thinks of Job.
When Job asserts, “I shall not find a wise man among you” (17:10), Bildad responds, “Are you calling us stupid?” (18:3)
Sound familiar? It should. This is the path our conversations take. First we disagree. Then it escalates. Then it gets personal. The other person is stupid. We insult members of their family. Suddenly we’re not friends any more. We’re mortal enemies.
When it gets to that point, we don’t even remember what the original point of disagreement was. It doesn’t even matter. The only thing that matters is adding words like “always” and “never” to the insults. You’re always like that. You never do this. I’m not stupid. If the shoe fits…
Is there anyway to avoid going down that road?
Shut up. You don’t have to respond in kind. You don’t have to fan the flame. You don’t need to add fuel to the fire. Listen, look them in the eye, and be quiet.
Ask questions like, “What do you mean by that?” Let them say more. Listen, look them in the eye, and be quiet. If you make progress, go on to ask, “How do you know that?” and “Why do you believe that?” Those questions shift the focus back to whatever the issue was.
You could say, “You’re right. I’m stupid. I’m an idiot. I’m a jerk.” Own it. Claim it. Absorb it. Chances are the conversation will take a different turn.
Waite for it... 