I did a quick search for “Things to do with kids in Dallas.” It’s boiling hot in Texas and thunderstorms are predicted for every morning and afternoon. An indoor activity for four grandchildren would be great. What about SeaQuest in Fort Worth? Not too expensive, an hour’s drive if we leave after rush hour, and the promise of an “interactive land and sea adventure.” A four-star rating on Tripadvisor. My son, now a ten year Dallas resident had never heard of it, but there were cool pictures on the website. What the heck, let’s give it a try.
The GPS took us right to the Ridgmar Mall just west of downtown Fort Worth. When we arrived about 11:30 am, the mall parking lot was all but empty. Two dozen cars and a school bus. My wife made me walk inside to make sure we were in the right place. Inside the entrance was a single sign directing, “Seaquest: on the other side of J.C. Penney.”
“This is the place,” I reported, ” “but it’s over there.” We drove to the other side of J.C. Penney where a few more cars were parked. We all hiked in through the entrance that was primarily for the 4-d movie theaters. At the top of an escalator I saw a SeaQuest sign hanging from the ceiling, and we rode to the top.
We walked into a mall that was definitely the place to be in the 1990’s. Today, however, every store as far as we could see was empty. We walked through this modern-day ghost town in what we hoped was the right direction. Number of stores open on this top level? Zero. The only open stores in the whole mall were a Dillards Clearance department store and J.C. Penney, who was desperate for shoppers. It was eerie. No stores, no people, nothing. Setting for a horror movie? I hoped not.
I looked down one level and saw it. SeaQuest Interactive Aquarium. Okay, we’re good. We headed down the escalator and into the venue. As my wife kept an eye on the kids, I told the friendly front desk person, “Two seniors and four children.” She pecked at a touch screen and asked me, “And how many tokens would you like to buy?” Tokens? Tokens. For feeding the fish and encountering the animals. Idk. “What do you recommend?” She pointed to a card on the desk. “Either eighty or 120.” Eighty tokens was $60! And I was already in for $100 admission. “Uh, just give me fifteen.” (Ten bucks) I’ll see how it goes. I can always buy more later, right?
Okay, we’re in and walk up to the first fish tank that hadn’t been cleaned in a while. Reality check. This is not SeaWorld. This is SeaQuest in the deceased Ridgmar mall. The floor is wet where we look at a school of big fish looking at us through the glass. A little gum ball machine off to the side sells fish food for one token. Ah, now I get it. They hope I’ll go through a whole bunch of tokens.
We wander past tanks of fish, sharks, sting rays, and lobster. We see otters, tortoise, kookaburra, lizards, sugar gliders, and a capybara. And at every exhibit, there is a place to buy food to feed the animals. For one token you can get a piece of fish, a bit of lettuce, some dead grubs, or some kind of reptile kibble. This is not an eco-friendly, PETA-approved, natural habitat. This is sad, depressing, and borderline abusive. Does anyone from the state of Texas come and inspect this place?
A friendly aquarium worker, holding an animal, says, “The kinkajou encounter is $25 per person or 10 tokens.” Nice – if you are raking in the upsell money at the venue. It’s all like that. Want to sit in a cage with hundreds of parakeets? Tokens. Want to feed the lizard a bite-sized piece of lettuce? Tokens. Want to sit with your feet in a tank of dead-skin eating fish? Tokens. Want to pet the Bengal cats? Tokens. I took the youngest (two- and four-year old) while she waited with the older two (eight and six) to pet the cats. When it was their turn the aquarium worker said, “Oh, sorry, the cats are on break for an hour.” What, you guys have a union?
I felt dirty when I left. This reminds me of the chameleon cage we visited in Madagascar. Nine years ago, on a mission trip, our hosts took us to a roadside chameleon zoo. It was the size of a tiny house and home to giant chameleons who grabbed insects with their tongues on command.
This could be my side hustle. I’ll buy some aquarium tanks, fill them with saltwater fish, and sell tickets (lots of tokens!) to my “interactive aquarium.”
Outside the aquarium, we found an indoor play place the grandkids enjoyed more than the paid attraction. They all got really good ice cream at a kiosk.
Going to Fort Worth? Go see the stampede. Save your money for a steak at a nice restaurant. Skip the SeaQuest interactive aquarium experience.
Waite for it... 