Category: Life

Posted in Life

Confidence

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

A recent WordPress prompt suggested I answer the question, “Who’s the most confident person you know?” After giving it some thought, I’m ready to respond.

Me.

I am the most confident person I know.

I am decisive. It doesn’t take me long to decide what I want to order at a restaurant or what I want to write about. At the library, I quickly pick out the book I want to read.

When asked, “Can you do this?” I typically say, “Yes.” I am confident of my ability to figure out a solution to a problem.

Can I learn how to use new technology? Can I speak in front of an audience? Will I try a new recipe? Can I cook for a crowd? Can I do that workout? Can I install that appliance, fix that leak, or patch that hole?

Of course. Let’s do it. Or at least, let’s give it a try. Confidence isn’t about getting it right or getting it done. It’s an attitude. I’ll figure it out. I’ll find a solution. There’s always a way.

What’s the source of my confidence? I don’t know. It’s probably a mix of influences, from being a first-born child who was raised to be independent, possessing a logical mind and a resilient spirit.

Confidence means you’re aren’t afraid to try. Confidence means you’re not competing with others. You’re just trying to be the best version of you. Confidence means there’s always a solution. Confidence see the possibilities.

Posted in death, Life

A final farewell

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

The text came in the middle of my garage workout. Someone was in the hospital in hospice care, and I should go see them.

I’ve been retired from full-time ministry and the message came to me from someone I hadn’t seen in over a decade through another person I haven’t had contact with in over a year.

I didn’t respond.

More texts followed. “It’s not going to be long.” “They wanted you to know.” “You have to hurry, they are 100% going to pass.” “We’re going up there now.”

My wife was in the text group, and when poked she her head into the garage, I said, “Yeah, I saw it. Where are they?” We glanced through the texts until we found a location mentioned that doesn’t even exist. Hmm. Not helpful.

Feeling a bit convicted, I texted the current pastor and found out where she was. She was in a hospice care facility, not a hospital. I knew exactly where it was.

But I didn’t rush down. I know from experience that dying in palliative care often takes time. The dying will be comfortable but unconscious, and I will spend time talking with the family. Which in this case, were some who weren’t fond of me in the past. So I confess, I dragged my feet a little.

When I arrived, I greeted a daughter and her husband, a stepson and his wife, a couple of grandchildren and a great grandson. The husband was not there. They told me, “He just couldn’t do it.”

I understand, but I don’t understand. They had thirty-plus years of marriage behind them. Wouldn’t this be the “worse” that goes along with the “better?” But, I reminded myself, everyone deals with this differently.

The visit went okay. I said a prayer, chatted with the family a little, and left them to be with each other. My old friend wasn’t conscious, was comfortable, breathing slowly, and not yet close to death. She would receive good care for another day or two from amazing caretakers.

I glad I went. I’ve heard that the last sense we lose is hearing, so the person dying can hear and be comforted by those talking to them. So I’m glad I got to talk to her one last time. The folks who texted me? I don’t think they ever got there.

Posted in Life

My Morning Ritual

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Yara on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?
View all responses

My body usually wakes me up around 6 am every morning. I don’t even have to set an alarm.

After I pull on some pants and a t-shirt, I hit the bathroom, wash my hands and face, and wander out to the kitchen to start the coffee maker that I set up the night before. It takes about five minutes to brew the pot. I drink a big glass of water and wait to hear five beeps from the coffee maker. It’s ready!

I drink my coffee black, so I fill up my favorite mug and sit at the dining room table with my bible, journal, and a pen, and do my morning reading and writing. I’ve been reading straight through the bible for years. I read a chapter or two and write down my thoughts, which may be the start of a devotion I’ll write for my blog. I also write what I did the previous day and the things I need to do today.

Sometime during those quiet moments, I’ll hear the big dog (our Great Dane) stirring in the back bedroom. So I let her out of her cage and take her out into the back yard. When she’s done doing what she needs to do, I fill her bowl with food for her breakfast and another bowl with water. She’ll usually lie down for a few moments after she eats, giving me a little more time to write.

And that’s my routine just about every morning. In the summer when the sun rises early, I’ll sit outside on the back patio. It’s so nice to be out there as the sky slowly brightens with all sorts of colors. It’s an amazing moment when the birds suddenly all start singing.

Posted in Life

The Secret Skill of Remembering Names

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by cottonbro
Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
View all responses

My secret weapon is the ability to remember names.

I didn’t even know I had this ability until people responded with surprise, “You remembered my name!” It might have been someone I talked with yesterday or someone I met a year ago. For some reason, names stick with me. I don’t have any mnemonic tricks. I don’t consciously work on it. Names lodge in accessible places in my brain.

I read somewhere that the most important word you can say to someone is their name. You notice them. You connect with them. You care about them. They are somebody.

Some lament, “I’m no good with names.” They can’t make the connection. Names don’t stick anywhere in their minds. It’s a real struggle for them.

Once in a while, someone’s name won’t click for me. That’s rare. I remember the names of all the dogs I meet at the dog park. All the people I meet at church on a Sunday morning. The techs and nurses and doctors who treat me in the emergency room. The players on my grandson’s baseball team.

Sometime in the future, I might forget. I might not be able to recall a name. It might be a friend. Or family. So for now I am thankful for my ability to astonish people – and sometimes myself – by remembering their names.

Posted in Life

Everyone Has a Story: Empathy in Daily Life

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?
View all responses

The list of things that people don’t understand is long. But for the purpose of this post, I’ll propose that most people don’t understand that everyone has a story. And chances are, you don’t know their story. Just as they don’t know yours.

What’s behind a person’s rude comment? Or impatient remark? What happened that morning to cause someone to cut ahead of you in line, lean on their car horn, look at you like they wanted to shove a knife in your gut, or suddenly push you out of the way.

I have no idea. I don’t know what the doctor just told them. I don’t know what just broke on their car. What’s leaking in their house? I don’t know what kind of trouble their child just got into. Maybe they just their job. Or a close friend.

I think most people don’t understand that we all have a story. Very few care about how my day went. Or what my struggles are. And to be honest, I don’t care about you and your problems either. It’s strange. We tend to be wrapped up in our own little world.

What if? What if I paused for a moment and listened? What if I simply asked, “What’s going on?” What if I cared?

I hate those questions. They are haunting and convicting. I know I should seek to understand. I too often forget. Be patient. Show some grace. It’s ok.

Everyone has a story. Find out what it is.

Posted in laughter, Life

What Makes You Laugh? Discover the Humor in Life

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Jenna Anderson on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
What makes you laugh?
View all responses

This is such a great prompt. There are so many things that make me laugh. Here’s a short list:

  • My dogs look at me.
  • Nothing but junk in my mail box.
  • I wake up just before my alarm goes off in the morning.
  • An obvious scam text in my inbox.
  • My three year old neighbor shouting, “Hi!”
  • A student in a middle school class asking me about life before iPhones.
  • My dog suddenly leaping a foot into the air.
  • The Amazon, Fedex, and Ups man all arrive within five minutes of each other.
  • Most of life is humorous. From the way people dress at Walmart to double lines of cars winding around Chick-fil-A, I find myself chuckling at life.

Most of what happens, most of who I meet, and most of what I deal with in any given day makes me laugh.

It’t all about the way you look at life. You either laugh. Or weep.

Posted in church, Life, Ministry

How Technology Transformed My Ministry Experience

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
How has technology changed your job?
View all responses

I’ve been retired for nearly three years now, but as a parish pastor, technology had a huge effect on how I did ministry in a local congregation.

When I started working in my first congregation in the mid-1980s, there were three ways to keep in touch with church members. You either sent a letter in the mail, called them on the phone, or knocked on their door.

By the time I retired in 2022, I had mastered many electronic ways to communicate with the church. While I still sent letters and made phone calls, I also sent email, text messages, messages through social media platforms, and broadcast an electronic newsletter each week. I never went to someone’s home without an appointment. People either weren’t home or just didn’t answer the door.

That being said, all that technology failed to silence the lament, “people don’t know what’s going on!” People just had more noise to ignore.

When I graduated from the seminary, I had a modest collection of books that I used for sermon and bible study preparation. That collection grew when I was at a church that gave me a generous annual book allowance. By the early 2000’s I found most of the information I needed on the internet, so I sold and gave away most of my printed books.

The Covid pandemic closed down in person worship services for our congregation. We were forced to learn how to broadcast worship from an empty church to members’ homes. I started with an iPhone propped up on some hymnals, moved up to my laptop balanced on a stack of bibles, until we invested in some digital camera technology. It was only a few weeks before we resumed worship in the sanctuary, but once we started, we just couldn’t stop broadcasting weekly services. As a result, people watched from all over the world. Some viewers financially supported the ministry, folks I would never meet.

When it was time to choose the next pastor, the leadership was not limited to a written resume. The selection committee interviewed every candidate via Zoom. Every prospect had a collection of online sermons to listen to. The process demanded a lot of time and energy.

Technology has been a blessing for the church since not every generation embraces new technology. But it’s also been a blessing. The church is here to communicate good news, and technology has helped her do that in so many ways.

Posted in Life

Younger

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Devin Avery on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
What is one word that describes you?
View all responses

My answer to this very challenging prompt is “younger.”

I feel a lot younger than my birth certificate says I am. I feel twenty years younger than my age. I am more active than I was back then, and I am healthier than most of the people I know in my age group.

I also enjoy being around younger people. I love to teach middle school aged-students. I love playing with my grandchildren, all of whom are ten years old and younger. I love toys, too, and in some ways have just never grown up.

I like being around people who are younger than me. They keep me in touch with new ideas, music, and trends. I definitely handle new technology better than most people in my age demographic.

This was a hard prompt, but I’m satisfied with my answer. I considered “diplomatic,” “consistent,” and “creative.” I’m glad I settled on “younger.” I suppose one day I’ll have to grow up.

But not yet.

Posted in Life

Algebra

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Laura Rivera on Unsplash
Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
View all responses

I was blessed to have so many outstanding teachers in elementary, junior high, and high school.

There is one that stands out. Mrs. Flaig was my eighth grade algebra teacher who helped me take my first step academically and mathematically.

Back then (1972), you were a smartie if you took eighth grade algebra. Mrs. Flaig had a reputation for being a very demanding teacher. No nonsense. Strict. Very strict.

The class was arranged in five rows of five wooden side-desk chairs. Each day, she would call a row and a column, and we would dutifully go to the front or side chalkboards to do an assigned problem. Those who’s rows or columns weren’t called had to check the work of those at the board. If either failed, we heard about it.

I rarely failed. I loved the problems and the solutions. I loved the equations, the variables, the graphs, and the solutions. Mrs. Flaig demanded much, recognized elegant solutions, and encouraged us to work hard.

Mrs. Flaig let me know in no uncertain terms that I was good at math. Her encouragement was all I needed to launch me into a world of mathematics. I was the best in the class in algebra. I loved ninth grade geometry. I was passionate about high school math. When I went to college I majored in mathematics. My brain was wired for math.

Mrs. Flaig guided me into an academic world of math and science that continued through college and my first job in computer programming. While I spent my career in pastoral ministry, I have always approached life through the eyes of a mathematician, with a constant eye toward patterns, series, equations, and variables.

Thank you, Mrs. Flaig.