Category: Life

Posted in Life

A private elevator

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Photo by Kind and Curious on Unsplash

Our small group was recently hosted in an exclusive, more-than-we-could-ever-afford, gated community. While the couple had previously lived in an ocean-front high-rise, they had recently moved into a townhouse a few blocks from the ocean. When I pulled into the driveway, the owner pointed me to a parking spot in front of one of three two-car garages beneath their unit. I wasn’t where the front door was, so I was glad I could follow him around the front and into the entrance.

Through the front doors, we went down a short hallway to an elevator. That’s when I realized this wasn’t like other townhomes I had been in. Once in the elevator, he pushed three, and in less than a minute the opposite door opened, and I stepped out into his living room. That’s right, he had his own private elevator up to his floor, or should I say, his home. Very nice.

At the end of the evening, members of the group climbed back into the elevator to make their way back to their cars. “Make sure you press ‘L’.” Okay. What happens if you press the ‘2’? You end up in someone else’s home, those who occupy the second floor.

Imagine going there for the first time and not paying attention, pressing ‘2’. When the doors opened, you wouldn’t know you were in the wrong home. So you walk in and make yourself at home. You grab a drink from the refrigerator, go over and look at the ocean, and then sit down to relax.

A stranger walks out of a back bedroom and says, “Oh, hi. Can I help you?”

As you introduce yourself, you suddenly realize they don’t know anything about a small group. They don’t know you and you don’t know them. You stumbled onto the wrong floor!

How nice to have your own personal elevator. Until it’s not working and you have to take the stairs. Or until a stranger makes himself at home on your sofa.

Posted in Life

“Where are the Christmas trees?”

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“I can help you here.”

As I stepped up the library window to check out my books, my check-out person asked another, “What was that all about?”

Hanging up the phone her co-worker explained, “She was incensed that she couldn’t come and look at the Christmas trees.”

Every year, organizations from the community fill the library with decorated Christmas trees that highlight their products, services, and people. Each one is unique and imaginative. Once I pause to look at one, I notice the next, am intrigued by another, and end up checking out most of them.

However, the upset woman had called the library on January 23. I handed my books to the worker and chuckled, “I guess she was a day late.”

Scanning my books the worker replied, “About twenty-two days late!” All the Christmas trees had been put away right after New Years.

Wait a minute. Doesn’t the Festival of Lights in St. Augustine run through January 28? When we rode the trolley around the city last weekend (January 22), people dressed like elves were still giving out cookies and hot cider. Several of my neighbors still plug in their outdoor Christmas lights three weeks into the new year.

The nerve. Christmas put away before February? So soon? Come on, the Christmas trees only went up at the library in November!

Posted in Life

I finally finished the game

Posted on by William Douthwaite

I just assume there are plenty of Boomers like me who played the license plate game while traveling as kids. With no phones, tablets, DVD players, or much else to do in the car except fight over window seats, mom made us play the game before my dad had to “turn the car around and go back home.” We hadn’t even gotten an hour down the road.

Since each state only had one license plate, with distinctive colors and design, they were easy to pick out at a distance. Home state was easy. Neighboring states were common. I grew up in the northeast, so plates from the west coast were really exciting.

We never expected to get to fifty. After all, who’s going to drive here from Hawaii?

The other day, I got to fifty. There in front of me, in Palm Coast, Florida, I saw a license plate from the Aloha State, Hawaii. How cool is that?

How many people transport their car from Hawaii to the mainland with the license plate intact? More than I thought. Today I learned that there are several companies that do just. Average price is a couple thousand dollars. Not too bad. It costs more to ship a car to Hawaii. According to websites, it’s probably cheaper to do that than sell there and buy here.

So I’d have a better chance of completing the license plate game in California than Florida. It only took me about 55 years to finish here on the east coast.

Posted in Life

Is the fire ready?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Are we going to roast marshmallows?”

Absolutely. The weather was a little cooler, a perfect night to gather around a fire supper. In preparation, I crumbled up newspaper, covered it with small tree branches I had gathered up in the yard, and stood up a pyramid of firewood over the whole thing.

The sky was just beginning to darken as we finished up supper. I headed out to the fire pit and lit the paper. As the first flames flickered, a grandson with a marshmallow and a stick behind me asked, “Is the fire ready?”

For Christmas, we bought other grandchildren a rock tumbler. A great idea for aspiring rock hounds. Until my son read the instructions. Tumbling takes four weeks!

We certainly don’t like to wait, do we? Less than a second after the light turns green, the car behind me leans on the horn so I’ll get step on the grass. A fifteen minute wait for a restaurant table? No thanks, we’ll go somewhere else. Don’t you pick the shortest checkout line at the store?

Five minute oil change. One hour air conditioner repair. No wait emergency room. Instant potatoes. Now, that’s more like it.

Lol. It rarely works that way. An hour on hold to talk to a person at the bank. A minimum of three to four hours in the emergency room. A week for seeds to germinate in the garden. Seven to ten business days for the refund to show up in your bank account. Nine months for the baby to arrive. A lot longer for a doctor appointment.

Is there any benefit to waiting? Maybe. Pausing when the light changes to green avoids a collision with the guy running the red light. More time in wide comfortable airport seats before spending three hours in a cramped middle seat between two strangers. Coffee from a freshly brewed pot. Holding a newborn in your arms. Flames that light up and warm up a chilly night. The smell of freshly baked bread. A gooey marshmallow.

Posted in Life

Justice

Posted on by William Douthwaite

I saw the small black car coming in my rear view mirror. He had to be traveling twice as fast as I was. He didn’t slow until he was right up on my tail.

I don’t know why, but I could tell he was looking for an opening, an opportunity just big enough to slip through and pass me. He found one. He vanished, only to reappear two lanes to my left on the tail of another car.

I knew he wouldn’t stay there for long. Sure enough, as soon as a few inches appeared, he came across both lanes again and cut right in front of me. I hardly had time to touch the brakes before he was gone again, accelerating ahead of the truck next to me.

I lost sight of him for a moment. Then I caught a glimpse of him weaving back and forth across all three lanes before suddenly turning into Dunkin.

Much to my delight, he pulled in behind an unusually long line of drive through cars that wound around the building, through the parking lot, and out into the street.

A little justice always brings a smile to my face.

Posted in AI, Life

Would you rather talk to a person or a machine?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

That’s a really interesting question. Some days I would rather hear the voice of a living, breathing person. Other times, I would rather log on to a website to take care of business. Why one rather than the other? Ironically, when I want to speak to a human, it’s hard to get someone on the line. But in those moments when I just want to get in and out digitally, I have to go through a human.

The phone tree begins with a choice of English or Spanish. Once that is settled, I can choose the extension of the person to whom I wish to speak, which I never know. Then I must listen to all the recently changed menu options, often eight or nine items long. Only after none of those choices suits me can I stay on the line to talk to a real, living, breathing man or woman. How long will that wait be? That is the question. And I am already several minutes into the call. Thank goodness for the speaker on my phone so I can do something else while I wait.

Too often, the reason I am waiting to speak to someone is that I can’t find a way to cancel something on the website of a product trial I signed up for. It’s easy to try out a new product, subscribe to a publication, or install a new app on your phone for free. But after a week or two, you start paying for it, unless you have the presence of mind to cancel before the trial runs out. Lol, like that ever happens.

But many vendors conveniently fail to include a “cancel my subscription” to their menus. To cancel, you have to talk to a person. That means you have to negotiate the phone tree to finally talk to a person whose sole job is to get you to stay longer and pay more.

How much time have I wasted texting back and forth, when all I needed to do was make a simple phone call? Plenty. How many times have I been thankful I could send a text message or an email when I can’t get someone on the phone? Lots. Human or machine? It depends.

I’ve had to call people I really didn’t want to talk to. As the phone rang, I mentally hoped a machine would pick up. Then I could leave a message and get out.

And then there are those who I really need to talk to who never answer. Phone wasn’t on? Dead battery? Didn’t want to talk to me? Who knows? I’ve actually written a note and mailed it to someone I was trying to get in touch with. Maybe they will give me a call.

If I ask Siri to take me to a certain address, she never asks, “Why do you want to go there?” If I order my pizza through an app, no one questions me when I add extra cheese. It’s just so much easier.

Soon I won’t be able to tell if I am talking with a real person or a machine. That’s scary.

Posted in Life

Do you hear what I hear?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Photo by Dex Ezekiel on Unsplash

Rob Walker (The Art of Noticing) recently suggested spending time noticing what you hear around you. There are words that describe and classify the sounds I hear.

Biophony refers to the sounds of living organisms. Geophony are non-animal sounds like those made by the wind or ocean waves. Anthrophony is about the sounds that people or their creations make. This would include the sounds made by technology, which I noticed this morning.

It’s dark. The sun has not yet risen. No one has arrived work on the house being built across the street. No cars or trucks are driving through the neighborhood. My wife and dog are still asleep. I am sitting still.

But it’s not quiet.

Freshly frozen ice cubes drop in the freezer. The thermostat gently clicks and I hear cool air blow from a vent. I hear the gentle rush of water heating up in the coffee maker. A ceiling fan creates a gentle audible rhythm. The refrigerator hums. A partially dimmed lightbulb buzzes. The world may not be awake, but my technology is.

Unless I stop and listen, I don’t pay much attention to these sounds. I’m used to them. But when a hurricane blows through and the power is out, I miss them. That’s when the quiet is the loudest. I’m aware of all the sounds I don’t hear. I wonder when the power will come back on. When it does and I hear everything again, I relax and fall back to sleep.

What do I notice more: the sounds I hear or the sounds I don’t hear? I always hear water running or dripping somewhere in the house. (I think that’s a dad thing.) The heating element in the oven has a distinctive sound I notice when we have accidentally left it on. When I hear the garbage truck around the block, I’ll remember to get my trash can out to the street.

But when I wake up feeling too warm, I’ll wake and immediately notice I don’t hear cool air blowing from a vent. I know something’s wrong when my maps app isn’t telling me my exit is coming up soon. Parents notice if the kids are too quiet in another room. It’s not good when someone takes a bite and you ask, “What do you think?” and they say nothing. When laryngitis hits, I’m aware of my absent voice. It’s not unusual for one of us to say, “I didn’t hear you get up this morning.”

Pause for a moment. What do you hear?

Posted in Life

“Would you like to leave a tip?”

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Those are the words of a touch screen, not a person. Pretty much every touch screen now. For a long time, the only places I tipped were sit down restaurants and bars, barber or hair stylist, pizza delivery, and a cab ride. But now, just about everyone expects a tip.

  • The coffee shop where you place an order and pick it up right there at the counter.
  • Restaurants where you order your food at a kiosk and pick it up from the counter when your pager vibrates.
  • Anyone who delivers anything to your house, from groceries to packages to furniture.
  • Shuttle drivers for airport parking and rental cars.
  • Picking up clothes at the dry cleaner.
  • Uber and Lyft drivers.

I never read the free shopping newspaper someone throws in my driveway each Friday morning, yet they give me an envelope for an annual Christmas tip.

If that’s not enough, I get suggestions of how much I should tip the mail carrier, lawn guy, bathroom attendant, exterminator, poker table dealer, garbage collector, tour guide, tree trimmer, housekeeper, valet parking, and tattoo artist.

There are places where a tip is not expected and is sometimes not allowed. But in place of a tip, I’m asked to donate to the charitable cause of the week. “Would you like to round up your total to support the local…” humane society, homeless shelter, comfort dog charity, disease research, canned food drive, or veteran’s center? All worthy causes. All so easy to give to. All hard to say no to.

I’ve started saying no. Not everyone gets a tip. And I started asking, “Where is this money going?” Unless I hand cash to a server, I have no idea how many workers divvy up the tip. I don’t know if a store is simply pocketing the money donated to a local charity. I don’t know how much employers are paying their workers. Probably not enough. I don’t know how long it takes for the tip added to my credit card to get to a server’s paycheck.

But when I do say yes, I will be generous to those who are working hard, aren’t being paid much, and do a good job.

Posted in Life

Too many choices?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

All I wanted was one jar of peanut butter. But the peanut butter section was all the way at the other end of the bread aisle in Walmart. In between me and that one jar were people pondering the hundred foot selection of bread. Everything was in stock that day: white bread, wheat bread, raisin bread, double fiber bread, butter top, sour dough, marble rye, high protein, low carb, and gluten free.

Blocking my way down the aisle were two types of people. The first couldn’t find what they wanted. The second couldn’t decide what they wanted. As I circled around an adjacent aisle to get to the peanut butter, I wondered, “Is it good or bad to have so many choices?”

On the one hand, it’s great. No matter what  flavor, texture, shape or nutrients you prefer, there is something for you. Want to try something different? No problem. There is always something new. On a tight budget? There are lower priced items on the bottom shelf. Counting calories? Some loaves have thinner slices.

On the other hand, it can be paralyzing. You only wrote the word bread on your shopping list. Will the store brand taste the same as name brand? Will the kids eat it if they see the word wheat on the wrapper? High fiber is good for you, right? Cracked wheat sounds good, but isn’t all bread made from wheat? I didn’t know they made oatmeal bread! Oh, wow, I haven’t had pumpernickel in ages. Look, there’s a buy one get one free. Before you know it, you’ve spent ten minutes pondering your bread purchase.

I am not one of those people. I know what I want, I’ve got a list, and I get in and out of the store as quickly as I can. I squeeze my way past many just wandering through the store overwhelmed by the selection.