Category: Stories

Posted in dogs, Life, Stories

A double-dog dare

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Image by Yama Zsuzsanna Márkus from Pixabay

The sun was just peeking over the trees to the east as my dog and I walked along Bassett Lane. It’s quiet, earlier than most people leave for work or school. As we pass one of the most rundown houses in the neighborhood, two German shepherds come bounding down the street towards us.

The little guy on my leash is twenty pounds of curiosity and energy, ready to make friends with any person or beast. But I’m not so sure about these two, both about a hundred pounds. I’m rarely frightened by dogs, big or small, but this morning, I was worried.

I stopped to face them as Winston, my Westie, automatically sat. His tail wagged furiously as he anticipated meeting new buddies. I stood my ground and yelled, “Hey!” making the two shepherds pause. They only stopped for a moment before continuing their approach.

I figured they were in front of their house, so I repeated, “Hey!” and added, “Go home!” One of the shepherds turned and loped back towards the house. The other kept moving towards us.

I tried a different strategy. I commanded, “Sit!” And he (she?) sat. Relieved, I added, “Stay!” as we added a few steps of distance between us. I thought I was in the clear, but the dog got up and began to follow us down the street. If I stood still, he paused. If I began to walk, he wanted to come along.

This could take a while. Suddenly, I heard another voice saying, “Go home!” I had an ally, another dog walker thirty yards behind. Once the odds were on our side, the German shepherd trotted off towards the house. The other guy added, to no one in particular, “Keep your d*** dog on a leash!”

I waved as we turned to head home. I’ve never seen those two dogs again. But inside I’ll be at Defcon 5 whenever we’re walking on Bassett Lane.

Posted in Stories

Got any cash?

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

I kidded my barber the other day, “You only need cash for a haircut and drugs.”

“Good point,” he chuckled.

First-time customers learn that the hard way when they pull out plastic after getting their hair cut. When they are told, “We only take cash,” they usually have to run out to the ATM and come back to pay.

My first stop that morning had been the ATM. I pulled out my debit card for the first time in weeks to get a twenty for a haircut. Like a lot of people, I rarely have cash in my wallet. Having been hacked at too many gas pumps I don’t pull out my debit card very often either. Everything goes on a credit card I pay off each month.

So what do people still use cash for?

The barber

Some small businesses like my barber avoid the 3% credit card fees by only accepting cash. My wife used to frequent an old-school stylist who insisted on cash or check for pricier color and perms. I’ll bet most salons take plastic, though.

Drugs

Let me be clear: I have no experience with this. However, I believe you need cash to purchase marijuana in states where recreational use is legal. The illegal stuff you get on the street? I’m assuming you need cash.

Panhandlers

I suppose these guys and gals depend on the spare change you have in your pocket. Although that’s not always the case. I’ve actually seen a few withVenmo IDs and Cashapp QR codes on display so you can help them out.

Valet parking, shuttle drivers, and street musicians

If I’m on top of things, I’ll make sure I have a few bucks on hand. But if I forget, many of them have online payment options, too.

Tolls

Not any more. Most toll roads require a chip in a sticker on your windshield. Either that, or they’ll find you through your license plate and bill you later. I used to have a lot of fun seeing how fast I could drive through the toll plaza on the Garden State Parkway and toss coins into the collection basket. More and more states are tearing down their last toll booths.

Gifts

Don’t you love it when you open up a card and a fifty or one hundred dollar bill falls out? Of course, you can’t hardly use big bills at the store. You probably just deposit the cash in the bank. But it just feels a little better than just getting a check.

Fund-raising

Want to make the football team or cheerleading squad? Be ready to stand outside a grocery store, persuading the few shoppers who do pay with cash to give you their change. Those organizations must still get donations that way, because they are out there every weekend.

Garage sales

If I’m garage-saleing, I’ll bring cash, but more and more people take online payment.

Avoid scams

When we tried to sell some items online, the first response we got was, “Do you take Venmo?” For this, my immediate response was, “Absolutely not. Cash only.” Stories of scams abound.

Kids

You have to use cash to teach your children about money. As parents, we got tired of constant begging to buy stuff at the store. Giving them a cash allowance means they have to bring money to buy something. “Can I have one of those?” “Where’s your money?” End of discussion.

Disaster preparation

Getting ready for a hurricane includes having some cash on hand. When the power’s out, that might be the only way to buy what you need for a while. Sometimes I remember to do this.

I suppose there’s more I haven’t thought of. Like much of the world, I’ve gotten used to not having cash on me. You’ll always get a chuckle when you ask me, “Got any cash?”

Posted in fitness, Stories

Crossover Symmetry: a great product and great customer service

Posted on by William Douthwaite

I have long been a fan of Crossover Symmetry. I remember seeing a whole set on the wall at a CrossFit gym. I pulled on a few bands now and then, but didn’t really understand the concept. Until my shoulders began to hurt.

I didn’t realize how bad my shoulder mobility was until I started doing handstands, overhead squats, and kipping pull-ups. Things I had always done without a thought became painful. Like pushing open the car door with my arm. Or reaching back to apply sunblock to the back of my neck.

I became a student of shoulder mobility stretches and exercises. I watched every YouTube video I could find. I ran through routines with stretchy bands and PVC pipes before every workout. These helped, but never really solved the problem.

Then I stumbled upon a promotion for Crossover Symmetry. I actually read the chart on the wall and started doing those motions before my workouts. It was magic. My shoulders felt so much better. I loved them so much I bought my own set for my garage gym. With a set of middle-of-the-road (neither beginner nor elite athlete) purple and red bands on the concrete block wall I was ready to go. I did both sides of the instruction card almost every day, working on my shoulders and scapula. My pain disappeared and my mobility improved.

That was four years ago. About a week ago, I was running through the exercises when I felt a “pop” from one of the purple bands. Uh-oh. Something had come loose inside the fabric sleeve, and it was no longer stretchy.

I got online and checked for any warranty. The warranty is excellent, but it’s only for two years. Okay, maybe I can repair it. I wondered what was inside of those well-made sleeves. I carefully sliced one open with a knife and found a stretchy tube inside that had simply snapped. The rest of the tube was cracked and dried, too. I wondered if I could get a replacement part. Everything else, from the handle to the fabic sleeves to the carabiner hangers was like new. So maybe.

I found my email receipt from four years ago, and sent my question to customer support at Crossover Symmetry. “Can I repair the purple band, or do I need to purchase a replacement?” I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but it never hurts to ask.

A few days later, I got a reply. “I’m happy to hear that you’re a fan. I would be happy to send you a new pair of purples. My gift for spreading the word about Crossover Symmetry.” I never expected such a gracious reply! And this post is my part of the deal.

I’m back in business. It only takes ten minutes to run through the shoulder and scapula motions. The routine works through all the different planes of motion in my shoulders. What a difference! I can workout pain free and my mobility is much better. I am no longer doing CrossFit, but warming up with Crossover Symmetry has served me well through a variety of streaming Bodi (formerly known as Beachbody) workouts.

Crossover Symmetry has systems for backs, knees, hips, and core, too. I haven’t tried them, but I’ll bet they are just a good as the products for shoulders. Customer service? Awesome! Thanks.

Posted in Stories, youth

The case of the missing hotdogs

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Ball Park Brand on Unsplash

“There’s only four hotdogs in here! What happened to the rest of them?”

Just a few nights ago, we had hotdogs for supper before an evening of vacation bible school. We wrapped up a dozen or so in aluminum foil and put them in the refrigerator for youth group in a few days. Plenty of condiments. Some bags of chips, too. One less thing to worry about for the meeting.

A few minutes before everyone arrived, I discovered that there were only four left. Four. Really? When another youth leader arrived, I ran out to the store and bought some hotdogs and buns. Crisis averted, but I was annoyed.

I was annoyed enough that I unwrapped those four leftover hotdogs, slit them open, filled them with tabasco sauce, flipped them over, and wrapped them back up. I so hoped the thieves would return for more. And I would love to be there when they bit into a really “hot” dog!

This actually happened seven years ago when I was helping out in-between youth leaders. I came across my notes about this night as I was sifting through a journal from 2016. I don’t actually remember that moment and I don’t know how it all turned out, but I sure enjoyed reading about it.

So don’t steal hotdogs from the church refrigerator. And don’t leave tabasco sauce out when I’m around.

Posted in Stories

A little home improvement with my grandson

Posted on by William Douthwaite

I’ve been spending a few days at my son’s house to help with a few house projects: repairing some bathroom tile, replacing baseboards, and some painting. My six-year-old grandson has been there every step of the way to keep me company and help out a little. He’s good at measuring and getting me tools. And he loves going to Home Depot.

Our first shopping trip was for for the bathroom: tile, thin set, grout, trowel, and some backer board. He got to push the cart with everything else in it so I could load up the heavy board. The guy at the cash register let him scan all the items. He loaded everything in the van and brought everything in when we got home.

Today, we went back to get baseboard. I had to cut up some of the 16-foot boards so I could get them home. He was right there to hold the ends for me.

He really wanted to paint with me, but everything I had to do was up on the ladder today. I’ll save him a few spots to roll at his height tomorrow.

My wife sent him a tool belt and a few tools. He was outfitted and ready to go this morning. I asked, “Hey, you have a screwdriver there?”

“Which kind?” He held out a regular and Phillips.

“Can you measure along that wall for me?” He used his tape measure for that and a lot of other measurements throughout the day.

I’m blessed to have some time to spend with him.

Posted in Stories

Remember: It’s an adventure!

Posted on by William Douthwaite

As the pilot announced, “We’re starting our initial descent,” the mother in the row ahead of me explodes at her daughter, “I’m gonna bust your butt when we get off this plane!”

Giggling, her little girl kept poking her mom’s ear, pinching her cheek, and grabbing her hair. “You’re gonna get an ass busting. Right in the bathroom. I’m serious. You’re getting a spanking.”

It was like no one was on the plane except this seven year old by the window and her middle seat momma. I’ll bet they’ve had this conversation before. At home, in a car, or while shopping. I’ll bet few butts had ever been beaten. These were empty threats. The kid knew it. She was running the show here.

I know it’s harder to travel with kids. You’re not going to be reading a book or snoozing. They’re going to need extra attention. And you better be prepared with snacks, games, movies, more snacks, and drinks.

Traveling with children is special. They’re excited. They’re in awe of huge planes, real pilots, views out the window, the roar of engines, and going someplace new. They remind us that it’s an adventure!

Keep your sense of adventure. Be in awe. And bring lots of snacks!

Posted in Stories

I’m done; he’s just getting started

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Sam Moghadam Khamseh on Unsplash

When I arrived at the gym on Saturday, I got there just as a man about my age was fumbling for his key fob to get in. I said, “I got it,” and swiped mine for the both of us.

He then signed in on the same clipboard as I do, a Silver and Fit membership that I get free through my insurance. I said, “Oh, so you’re the other old guy.” He didn’t answer.

I get right to work at the gym. My workouts always start with squats, so I find a rack and start doing warmup reps with an empty bar and then increasing weights until I get to my working weight. It only takes me a few minutes and I’m ready to begin my five sets of five reps.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him slowly and deliberately get ready to work out. He sat on a bench and unpacked his duffle, laying out his gear. He took off his sandals, put on socks, and pulled his knee braces up. After he put on his shoes he hung two weight belts over a bar on another squat rack. He certainly was well-equipped.

By this time, I’d finished my squats and moved on to overhead press.

In between sets I watched him set up his phone on tripod and aim it carefully at the squat rack where he would be working. He sat for a few moments, writing in a notebook. He found a few plates and loaded up the bar. Finally, he started doing a few warmup repetitions.

Having finished my presses, I moved on to deadlift, which for me is only a few sets. I was done by the time he began his workout.

I know it’s good to be prepared, safe, and methodical. Take your time, and make sure your form is correct. Everyone has their own style. I just don’t have that much time to be in the gym. I get in and out as quickly as possible.

Some people say they don’t have time to work out. Guess why?

Posted in flash fiction, Stories

The plant spies

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

“Will you take ten for both of those?”

They were my last two plants. Crotons. Each was marked six dollars. I had been out there all morning, so I was ready to call it a day. I said, “Sure,” stuffed the ten in my pocked, folded up the table and headed inside.

I wish I had thought of this before. Just piggyback on the neighbor’s yard sale. Every one walked by the table on the way to their cars, and many stopped to look – and buy. Plus, it was nearly pure profit. I propagated plants in pots I already had. Some I grew from seeds. A few had blossoms on them. Those always go first.

But that’s not the best part.

A few hours later, I opened up my laptop to see where the plants had ended up. The map was speckled with green dots. Some were still. Others were moving quickly on highways. Each nanobot, absorbed from the soil through the roots, gave me real time GPS locations.

I clicked on one about a mile from my house, opening up a small window on my screen. Another click, and I had access to the home wifi. I only had to run the password generator for a few second, and then I could login. Sweet. Someone was streaming a movie. Another was playing an online game. A voice asked “What’s the temperature outside?” Of course, someone was shopping. Someone is always shopping.

Must be a do-it-yourselfer. They had a nail gun and a miter saw in their shopping cart. Just before they clicked Buy Now, I changed the shipping address. In a few days, the box would arrive at my Amazon pickup location. Sweet.

I closed that window and clicked another green spot on the map. This time I caught a login and password for a streaming service I’ve wanted to try. Finally, something different to watch tonight.

Okay, one more. Wow, that one’s about twenty-five miles away. I’m just going to have fun with this one. I turned up the wifi thermostat. They’ll be sweating pretty soon.

Each nanobot has enough power for a single task. I’ll look at some more tomorrow.

Time to pick out a movie.

Posted in neighbor, Stories

For your viewing pleasure: Some cringe-worthy yard art

Posted on by William Douthwaite

One person’s yard ornament is a neighbor’s eyesore.

As the days lengthened with the advent of spring, I noticed what looked like a pig in my across-the-street neighbor’s yard one morning. By the time my dog and I returned, there was enough daylight to confirm the sighting. Yes, this five-gallon pig can greets me every morning when I open the kitchen blinds.

Our neighbors have faithfully treated us to a rotating display of horrendous yard art, including a green glow in the dark alien, sexy-legged frogs, and a satanic goat head. They truly believe this enhances the curb appeal of their property as they try to sell their house.

Oh, that’s right, I forgot to mention their house is on the market. I’m of the opinion that any real estate agent would immediately insist, “You need to get all that stuff out of the yard!”

My wife and I have already been plotting ways to help that process along. There is a large dumpster outside a house under construction just a few houses up the street. As soon as it turns dark, we’ll just toss it in!

Another neighbor just had a yard sale. Maybe we could take it up there and add it to their inventory when no one is looking.

We thought about putting a “free” sign on it. Someone cruising the neighborhood for curbside junk would pick it up.

On a whim, I put the photo out there on eBay and Google. Nothing like it out there. Maybe it’s one-of-a-kind. Priceless. If so, make me an offer. I’ll figure out a way to get it to you.