Tag: irony

Posted in Stories

The aisle seat

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

With my boarding pass in hand, I kind of smiled and said, “I think you’re in my seat.”

The woman’s confused look turned into annoyance when I explained, “I’m in seat C; A is the window seat.”

“You mean I have to sit by the window?”

“You don’t like the window seat?”

When she shook her head, I said, “Okay, I’ll take the window seat.”

Once I settled into my seat, my wife mouthed, “I can’t believe you did that!”

A few days ago, I had used some of our accumulated airline miles to upgrade our seats to a comfort plus row where we were across the aisle from each other. After five hours from Hawaii to Los Angeles, a little extra room would be nice on the next flight home.

I shrugged and texted her, “I thought I should be nice.”

After takeoff, I folded down my tray table and did a little bit of journaling. I glanced up when a bump and an “Ow!” came from the aisle seat. The beverage cart had slammed her funny bone in just the right agonizing spot. I tried to keep a straight face as I got back to my writing.

The sound of pulled-back cellophane from the aisle seat was interrupted by a frantic, “Ew!” The fourteen dollar fruit and cheese plate wasn’t as fresh as advertised, featuring fuzzy blue mold and a little insect. Her sudden recoil soaked her lap with a diet soda. I was able to muffle a chuckle.

When my eyelids got heavy, I put my seat back and dozed off for a few minutes. Aisle-seat’s mother, in the center seat, jostled me, trying to adjust the reading lights and air blower. Neither one for the aisle seat worked. And for some reason, that seat wouldn’t recline.

I didn’t even try to hide my grin as I closed my eyes.

The first half of this story is true. The second half may have been a dream.

Posted in Life

Barbershop irony

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“I’m going to get my haircut.”

“What time is your appointment?”

Someone who doesn’t frequent barber shops might ask that question. But that’s not how it works. You walk in, have a seat, take note of the guys already sitting there, and head for an empty chair when it’s your turn. You might wait four minutes or forty minutes. It just depends on how many barbers are working that day and how many are waiting ahead of you. You watch a little ESPN  on the TV, maybe page through an old magazine, check email on your phone or read whatever you brought with you. It’s all part of the experience.

One of the ironies of the barbershop is that no matter how little or how much hair you have a haircut costs the same for every one. From my dark brown-haired youth to my present silver gray, I’ve always had a full head of hair. But my haircut is $15 just like the guy ahead of me who’s only got a little bit of hair above his neckline stretching from ear to ear. I believe seniors get a $1 discount and a flattop costs a few bucks more, but those are the only variations.

All three chairs were filled up when I arrived yesterday and there were two guys waiting ahead of me. It looked to me like two of the barbers were almost done, so I was pretty sure I would get the third. I’ve been coming here for a while and have gotten haircuts from all three in the past. Plus, the guy in the third chair didn’t have a whole lot of hair.

For some reason, that third chair never opened up. Barber number three was experienced, but taking his time, and it looked like they were having  an involved conversation. The other two guys finished before him so I got the “next” from one of them. The last I glanced over, the third barber was precisely trimming individual isolated hairs sticking up from the top of that customer’s head.

Maybe it’s actually easier to cut a full head of hair like mine, because you don’t have to be precise. There’s plenty of margin for error. Not so when you’re down to your last few follicles.