Author: William Douthwaite

Posted in Moments of grace

Open the door (it might be someone with fudge!)

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Bang, bang, bang, bang, BANG!

I thought I was pretty clever, disconnecting the doorbell to avoid the pleas of door-to-door salespeople. No longer did midday rings wake me, the dog, or my grandkids from our much-needed afternoon naps. However, this post-pandemic breed of street vendors is passionate. No audible ring? No problem. Five or six knocks on the door, each one louder than the last, should get my attention.

Wrong. My two cars are in the driveway. The garage door is open. The dog is snarling. I can see your form through the frosted front door window. But I’m not even looking up from my book. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not interested. Better luck at the next house.

But today, something feels different. Maybe it’s not a stranger. Maybe it’s my neighbor. Let me sneak a peek out the kitchen window. Yep, it’s my friend from across the street. When I open the door, he’s holding a plate of homemade fudge!

Sometimes a check arrives in the mail. Other times, the sun breaks through the clouds after a thunderstorm. And once in a while, someone shows up at your door with fudge. Suddenly, it is a very, very good day!

I wanted to make sure I fully experienced the moment, so I immediately ate a couple of pieces. A milk-chocolate piece had some walnuts. The dark-chocolate variety had none. Both were delicious.

In the wake of this day-changing moment, I said to myself, “Perhaps I should open the door more often. Who knows? It might be someone with fudge!”

Sure enough, ten days later, I heard a knock at the door. It wasn’t a loud knock, nor did it sound urgent. But I had my radar on. In fact, I had casually mentioned to my neighbor just a few days before, “I’m all out of fudge.” Without hesitation, I answered the door and there he was, my friend with two small bags of fudge.

How many life hacks have I read over the years? Hundreds. How many micro-habits have I adopted to become the best version of myself? Plenty. How many insights have I stumbled upon that I could share with others? Very few. In fact, this might be the first one,.

So rather than callously ignoring the irritating knock at my door, I’m going to remember this moment. I know, it could be another security system salesperson hoping my dog isn’t as vicious as he sounds. It might be another pest control company warning of an impending locust plague in my neighborhood. It could be someone with new religious insights to share with me.

But it might be someone with fudge!

Posted in Life

“Whatcha doin’?” “Nothing.”

Posted on by William Douthwaite

I went to the library a few weeks ago for the first time in a long time. I’ll bet I hadn’t been there in two years. With a little more (retired) time on my hands to read, I decided to see what was on the shelves.

When you think to yourself, “I want to spend more time reading,” you have to address the next question, “What do I want to read?” I don’t know. Best sellers? Great writers? Classic novels? Biography? A real page-turner? I really don’t know.

I put my library card in my wallet and drove to the library, a couple of miles from my house. The sign on the automatic-opening front doors read, “Masks recommended.” Lol. No one in the library was wearing a mask, except for the front desk staff who stood behind plexiglass shields. Just an observation.

I immediately went to the new arrivals shelf. They were filled with a large selection of fiction, non-fiction, young adult, biography, and audio books. I remember someone saying that I should be reading biographies, so I started there. I scanned the shelves and spotted an autobiography by Dave Grohl, a musician with Nirvana and Foo Fighters. He wrote it during the Covid-19 concert shutdown. It looked interesting. Why not?

New fiction was two steps to my left. James Patterson? Plenty of those. Right next to his, a new crime novel by Thomas Perry. The main character was all about being chased, disappearing, and going off-grid. Looks good to me.

Two books should be plenty. I don’t want to overdo it. Wandering out from the stacks, I paused to look at some of the other people in the library. This was the most interesting part of the day.

Who spends time at the library? I saw a sheriff’s deputy filling out a multipage application for something. A woman used one of many computers to look up something online. A young lady texted friends on her phone. A mother walked her young son to the children’s library.

I also noticed a man sitting at a table doing absolutely nothing. He wasn’t reading. He wasn’t looking at a phone. He wasn’t having a hushed conversation with a friend. He wasn’t studying for a test. He wasn’t writing. He was just sitting.

Then, I saw a second person doing the exact same thing. Just sitting, at a table, in the library, doing absolutely nothing.

I was fascinated. I can’t remember the last time I just sat and did nothing. Actually I can’t remember anytime I sat and did absolutely nothing. I’m always looking at my phone. I always bring something to read. I write. I draw or doodle. I have hushed conversations. I eat snacks.

But I never, ever just sit and do nothing.

I’ve spent a lot of time the last few decades reading about and learning how to be productive. I know how to get more done in less time. I’ve mastered the 1-3-5 system to get important stuff done first. A Kanban board in my office kept me on task each week, filled up with “to-do,” “doing,” and “done” sticky notes.

All that has changed. I have retired. I no longer have to be productive. I have no weekly deadlines, presentations (sermons), scheduled meetings, classes to perpare for, phone calls to return, visits to make, or conflict resolutions to worry about. For the first time in forever, I don’t have to do anything. In others words, if I so choose, I can do nothing.

Nothing? Oh, come on. You have to do something. You need a hobby. Friends. An avocation. A purpose. A direction. A mission. You’re not dead yet. What are you going to do?

That’s the question everyone asked when I announced and embarked on my retirement. “What are you going to do?” My answer then was, “I don’t know.” In a sense, I am still answering that question.

About five months into retirement, my days have not consisted of “nothing.” My daily to-do list is filled with gardening, painting, grand-parenting, and travel planning. I spend time each day exercising, reading, writing, and playing music. I have more time to talk with my wife, try a few new things in the kitchen, and sell things on eBay.

When you are young, everyone wants to know what you want to be when you grow up. But then, for most of our lives, we identify ourselves by what we do. Once you leave the work world, though, it’s now about who you are. It is very interesting when you start thinking about yourself untethered from a career.

I haven’t done that for a long, long time.

Posted in Life

What is that smell?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

When I opened the car door, I caught a whiff of something unusual and recited Will Smith’s line from “Independence Day” when he pried open the alien spaceship to welcome the alien who had come to destroy the earth.

“What is that smell?”


Rolling my eyes, I leaned in to smell the child seats in the back. Someone in potty training must have leaked. I wasn’t taking any chances. I took the seats out, took the covers off, and threw them all in the washer with an extra dose of Buff City laundry detergent. They came out smelling so nice. I reinstalled the car seats and left the windows open for the day. Problem solved.

The next day the odor was back. There must be old food in the car. The grandkids leave a lot of crumbs and uneaten snacks in the back. I’ll surely find something under the seat. I thoroughly vacuumed the car, finding lots of crumbs, lollipop sticks, and snack wrappers, but nothing very offensive. No rotten cabbage or open ketchup packets. No dirty diaper. I drove around with the windows open that day, and much of the smell went away. Mission accomplished.

One day later…

“What is that smell?” It was worse than ever. I can’t drive around like this. I’ll pass out. I had just had the car in for some routine maintenance. For the first time in a few oil changes, I took it to the dealer. They always check the cabin air filter and usually try to sell me a new one. No one mentioned it this time, so I just assumed it was OK.

After watching a YouTube video on replacing the cabin air filter, I unhinged the glove box, popped off a few clips, and exposed the cabin air filter. When I pulled it out, it was covered with white fuzz and bits of black foam rubber. Strange. But as soon as I pulled it out, I knew this is where the smell was coming from.

I threw it out and headed to the auto parts store. When I got home, I went to slide the new filter in but noticed there was still a little bit of fuzz in the slot. So I began to pick it out. There was more than a little bit. It looked like all the filling from a stuffed animal had been packed in, probably by a mouse who thought this would be a nice place to build a nest. The mouse had also chewed off some black foam rubber insulation for extra comfort.

After I pulled out some mouse fur I came across some internal organs. So that’s why my car smelled like someone had died in there. Someone had died in there. I am not an expert on mouse anatomy, but I think I saw a liver and a little bit of intestine.

I thoroughly vacuumed out the filter compartment. I reached inside and pulled a bunch of dried leaves and pine needles from beneath the fan blades. I sprayed the new filter with Febreeze and slid it in. I clicked the glove box door back into place and ran the AC for a little bit. I may have caught a whiff of dead mouse, but it quickly went away.

I don’t remember seeing any mice running around our house or yard. My across-the-street neighbor had plenty of them running around in his attic before a rodent-control guy caught them. He had mice because my other across the street neighbor thought it was fun to throw peanuts, bread, chips and other leftover food into nearby vacant lots to feed the wildlife. Unfortunately, the wildlife near us includes rats and mice. Thanks a lot. Yes, I’ve asked him many times to quit. That plea goes in one ear and out the other.
In addition, I drive that car just about every day. We don’t leave it sitting in the driveway more than a day at a time. So either the creature worked all night to build a nice little nest. Or he came back repeatedly to finish the project.

Cause of death? I don’t know. The mouse may have gotten stuck and starved to death. He or she may have gotten chopped up in the fan. Carbon monoxide poisoning? I don’t know.

But my car smells so nice.

Posted in Grace

Street corner violinist

Posted on by William Douthwaite

As I left Starbucks this afternoon, I heard accompanied violin music. A man was playing some new age-ish much on the corner of the driveway. I stopped to listen, and then stepped in to take a picture.

As I did, a man stepped up to talk to me. I remember seeing him inside Starbucks. He had an earbud and an ugly polo shirt. He said, “Did you take a picture of that guy?”

I admitted, “Yes.”

He said, “I’ve been watching him for two days. He’s been out here every day. I figure he’s making $30 an hour. He’s not homeless. Just out there taking advantage of people.”

I said, “Oh. I didn’t know.”

Honestly, I was going to put a few dollars in his box. Just like I would do for anyone busking. Just like I hope someone would do for me one day when I am playing my guitar somewhere.

I got in my truck and drove away. But I thought, “Can’t I throw a few bucks to a musician on a street corner without feeling guilty?” So what if he’s not homeless? He’s pretty good. He might play a request. He might have a family. At least he is doing something.

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

First thing in the morning

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Bonus “Mirror of the Passion” devotion for Easter Sunday. Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. (Luke 24:1)

It’s early. It’s still dark. But I’m awake. I always wake up five minutes before my alarm. It’s how I’m wired, I guess. I might as well get up. My routine: feed Samson (my dog), start the coffee maker, walk the dog, pour a cup of coffee, grab my bible, journal and a pen. It’s time to find out what Jesus has to say today.

That’s right, he’s already up. His word is active and alive. It will easily cut through joints and marrow and speak to my heart. It might be something I’ve heard a hundred times before. It might be something I’ve never thought about before. It might be a promise I’ll need to get through the day. Or it might be one I can pass along to someone else.

Jesus is up before the women who went to the tomb. He is risen, the stone’s rolled away, the guards have fainted, and the tomb is empty (except for the linen). Maybe they can return those spices for store credit.

If you ever think you’ve go it all figured out, just remember Easter. Nothing went as expected. Yet it turned out better than anyone could have imagined! Add a bit of Easter to your daily routine and you’ll never be bored.

He is risen; he is risen, indeed! Hallelujah!

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

The stone

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Mirror of the Passion” devotion for April 16, 2020. Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

And Joseph rolled a great stone to the entrance of the tomb and went away. (Matthew 27:60)

Impressive. All the art work I’ve seen shows the stone in front of the tomb as at least a thousand pound hunk of rock. Joseph rolled it there? Whoa, this guy’s in better shape than me.

The stone was meant to keep people out, right? Or was it to keep Jesus in? All of the above? I don’t know.

All we know is that the stone was in place on Saturday. On Friday it was open, til they laid the body of Jesus there. On Sunday, when the women showed up, the stone had been rolled away. On Saturday, the stone was doing its job, sealing up the entrance to the tomb.

How do you respond to a locked door? Walk away? Look for another way in? Jiggle the doorknob, hoping it will somehow open? Check the windows? Do you accept the reality? Or look for an alternative?

Saturday is one of those days. It feels like nothing is going to happen. It’s a done deal. Your hopes and dreams aren’t going anywhere. Monday will come soon enough. Back to the routine. Same old same old.

If they only knew. If they only knew what was happening behind that stone. If they only remembered Jesus’ words about resurrection and life. If they only knew what was happening in the dark. If they only saw the scene in hell. If they only knew what the women would find on Sunday morning.

We don’t know what’s happening behind the stone walls, behind the scenes, behind what seems to be unmovable obstacles in our lives. These are places we cannot go. But these are the places where the most important things are happening.

Just wait til Sunday morning. Just wait til the sun comes up. Just wait til you wake up. The biggest, unmovable assumptions of your life won’t be a problem any more.

That’s the power of resurrection.

So maybe this is Saturday. Maybe you’re stuck. Maybe you have no place to go. There is a big rock in the way. Maybe there is nothing you can do. Just wait. The sun will set. The sun will rise. And it will be a new day. It will be Sunday. And all of those worries will fade like the morning dew.

I’ll wait, Lord. I know the new day is just a few moments away.

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

Take care of my mom

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Mirror of the Passion” Lent devotion for April 15, 2022. Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. (John 19:26-27)

The dying often worry about those they will be leaving behind. Those left behind have to assure them, “I’ll be fine.”

This is on Jesus’ mind as his moment of death approaches. His mother, Mary, is there at Golgotha, along with John, “disciple whom he loved.” From the cross Jesus says, “John’s going to take care of you now,” and then, “Take good care of mom for me, John.” The gospels don’t mention Joseph after he and Mary find the twelve year old Jesus in the temple. That was about twenty years ago. I guess he’s not around anymore.

Mary was entrusted with the honor and responsibility of giving birth to the Christ and taking care of him as he grew up in Nazareth. She fed him, taught him how to walk and talk, and raised him in the Jewish faith. I’m there were many moments when she told Jesus to be careful, have a good day, and be home in time for supper as he headed out the door.

How we take for granted those who spent so much time taking care of us when we were growing up. When you have kids of your own, though, you become aware of what it takes to have a little one dependent upon you. You begin to understand and appreciate those who prayed for you each night, took you all those places you needed to go, and watched to see what kind of man or woman you would become. And when you wanted to go off on your own, they struggled to let you go. They just wanted to hug you forever!

The mother of our Lord knew she couldn’t hold on to her son forever. She knew why he had come. She knew his hour had come. She knew it was time to let him go. But it wasn’t easy. Not here, at the cross, at Golgotha.

I wonder how often someone asked, “Hey, Jesus, is there anything I can help you with? Anything I can get for you?” The Jesus we get to know in the gospels is low maintenance. He didn’t need much and didn’t ask for much. Just some water at a well in Samaria. A few figs from a tree. And now, “Do me a favor. Take care of my mom.”

Thanks for everyone who has and will take care of me. Amen.

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

Copycat

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Mirror of the Passion” Lent devotion for April 14. 2022. Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” (John 13:34)

In Latin, that verse begins mandatum novum do vobis. We’d call it a “mandate.” A command. An order. Jesus gives his disciples this command on Thursday night, which we call Maundy Thursday, after he has washed their feet. This is more than “I really want you to,” or “You really should,” or “I hope you will,” or “Why don’t you give it a try.” This is mandatory.

We’ve mastered many “one anothers.” We’re jealous of one another, annoyed with one another, upset with one another, and tired of one another. We envy one another, irritate one another, ignore one another, and anger one another. Love one another? That is something new and novel.

This mandate goes beyond tolerating one another, accepting one another, and being kind to one another. Jesus’ love was sacrificial. He gave his life for us without expecting anything in return. This is his definition of love. You pour out your life. You pour yourself into someone else. It’s one way. It flows out of you. There’s nothing in it for you. You get no return on your investment. And did I mention, this is mandatory.

My definition of love is usually different than his. I tend to love those who do things for me. I love those who are attractive. I love those who give me gifts. (I really enjoy food gifts.) I love people who are nice to me. I love folks who are lovable. Bottom line: I love those who love me.

Jesus reminds us that anyone can do that. Anyone can love someone who first loves them. Anyone can do that with their eyes closed and one hand tied behind their back. If you want to stand out, you love like Jesus. If you want to love like Jesus, you have to get to know him. And when you get to know him, you are overwhelmed by his love.

So what do I do with this command, this order, this mandate? Well, if I want to imitate someone, I am going to watch them, study their every move, and do everything they do. I would go to every performance I could, watch videos, and listen to their recordings over and over again. I would practice, practice, practice. Of course, I wouldn’t get it right the first time. Or the second. Or the thirty-fifth time. I would practice in front of a mirror. I would get someone to watch and listen to me, and then tell me how I was doing. In time, I would get better and better.

I think that’s what Jesus meant when he invited a few to follow him. Watch. Listen. Learn. And imitate. Be a copycat.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, than to love like Jesus is the highest form of worship.

When I grow up Lord, I want to be like you.

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

Sneaking around

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Mirror of the passion” Lent devotion for April 13, 2022. Photo by Structuro on Pixabay.com.

Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, “What will you give me if I deliver him over to you?” And they paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray him. (Matthew 26:14-16)

I was today years old when I discovered that “Spy Wednesday” was a thing. In some traditions, it’s a day of fasting and worship. I don’t ever remember paying much attention to this day.

We’re not quite at Thursday’s Passover meal. Jesus has already wreaked havoc with the temple vendors and teachers. In between, the chief priests and elders are stealthily plotting to arrest and kill Jesus (Matt. 26:3). To help them, they have someone on the inside, one of the twelve, Judas. With some change jingling in his pocked, he’s looking for just the right moment to hand Jesus over to them.

So there’s a lot of sneaking around going on. Jesus may have been teaching every day in the temple, but he left Jerusalem and spent his nights on the mount of Olives. Since it’s Passover, the city is filled with more people than usual. It’s going to be tough to find and arrest Jesus apart from the crowds.

Jesus knows exactly what’s going on. They can be as sneaky as they want, but he’s already told the disciples that he would be betrayed. He knows Judas is a double agent. He knows he won’t have long to pray once they get to Gethsemane on Thursday.

I remember having all kinds of pretending to be a spy. I made a periscope from an old quart milk container to see around corners. A friend and I would wire up bell wire, batteries, and light bulbs to send Morse code messages to each other. From high in a backyard tree, we could see what was going on in the neighborhood using my dad’s binoculars. We encrypted secret messages to each other with simple substitution cyphers. We listened in on conversations through the AC vents in the house.

Now I like to eavesdrop on people in coffee shops. I’ve listened in on sales pitches, job interviews, bible studies, and employee reviews while innocently enjoying a latte. I am amazed what I can learn about a complete stranger from a few seats away. It’s not hard to see someone enter their PIN on a keypad, either. (I try not to do that too often.)

When do you find yourself sneaking around? How about when you eat food you don’t want someone see you eating? Hiding the candy wrapper under other trash so no one knows? If someone asks, “What are you eating?” you mumble “muhphen” with stuffed cheeks. You never weigh yourself when someone else is looking, do you? Ever buy something with cash so it doesn’t show up on the bank statement? Have you ever seen someone at the store, but ducked down an aisle before they saw you so you wouldn’t have to talk to them?

Why are we sometimes so secretive? Because we’re afraid. We’re afraid someone will find out.

Guess what? He sees. He knows. He loves. He forgives.

That’s it, Jesus. I’m not sneaking around any more.