Tag: alone

Posted in Life

Early morning walk: embracing solitude and wishing for company

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

I got up a little earlier this morning to walk our big dog (the Great Dane) before our three granddaughters, who spent the night with us, woke up. 5 am in Florida? Yep, still dark.

The big girl and I headed up a main thoroughfare before dawn. Much to my delight, there were no cars on the road. None. Zip. Nada.

I loved that moment.

Suddenly I felt like I was all alone in the world. Just me and my dog and a long, long line of street lights shrouded in a touch of fog.

That moment was surreal. What if it was just me and my dog alone in the world? What if we were the only ones left? What if everyone else somehow vanished?

I loved that aloneness. I wanted it to last. And I wanted it to be over. I wanted someone, anyone to drive by. But at the same time, I hoped they wouldn’t.

What should I do with that? I love being by myself, and yearn for the crowd. I crave solitude, and pursue the mob. I am so comfortable with just me, yet wonder when everyone else will arrive.

The paradox torments me.

Posted in movies

A lonely night at the movies

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Are you sure their open tonight?”

After parking in front of the local movie theater, we walked towards the darkened ticket office sitting between two entrances. There was no line of people buying tickets and no one was selling tickets behind the window either.

“They better be open. I already bought our tickets online.”

When we walked inside, all the lights were on but no one was home. There wasn’t a single person in the lobby. No one was collecting tickets and directing people to their theater.

We were the only ones there.

I was prepared for this. You see, we had come a few weeks before. On that occasion, I didn’t buy my tickets in advance. So when we arrived, I had to negotiate a five by three foot touch screen kiosk. It wasn’t hard to find my movie, pick my seats, and pay with credit card. But the printer was out of paper, so I had to track down a human to print out my tickets on another machine. Then that same human ran back and scooped up a bag of popcorn for me. I kidded her, “You must be the only one working here!” Now I always buy my tickets online before I leave to go see a movie.

So, with my cell phone in hand, with my ticket bar code on the screen, I walked right in. At least there was no line at the unattended snack bar. No, we didn’t just help ourselves. We could have. But then a teenager appeared from the back and got my small popcorn for me. I wondered, “Is he running the whole place by himself?”

When we got to the theater showing our film, we were the only people there. Even though we had picked our seats in advance, I could have sat anywhere I wanted. In a younger life, I might have moved around and watched the movie from many different vantage points. But on this night I behaved and stayed in my assigned seat.

I’ll bet it doesn’t take more than one person to run the whole theater on a weeknight. From what I’ve read, projectors are now run by computer, so no humans are needed. A single person could unlock the doors, turn on the lights, pop some popcorn, sell snacks, and then lock up after everyone has gone home. Maybe there’s someone else around, napping in the back room. Who knows?

Posted in Life

Alone

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Samuel Girven on Unsplash

I was the only one at the gym the other day.

Members have access to this gym twenty-four hours a day. It’s not a big gym. It probably doesn’t have too many members. It’s a hole-in-the-wall kind of place in a strip mall next to a Cuban restaurant. But it’s well-equipped, close to my house, and extremely affordable.

It was a Thursday, outside of my usual Monday-Wednesday-Friday routine. On those days I join about a dozen other people to workout.

But this day, three others were there at 9 am. Fifteen minutes later, they left, and I was alone. The front door was locked, 90’s metal music filled the air, and I still had a few sets of bench presses to go. It felt weird. Not creepy, just unusual.

So what’s better? A room full of people to work around? Having to wait your turn at a bench? Or having the place to yourself, with no one watching you, judging you, or waiting for you to get done at a station?

It really doesn’t matter. Most people just do their own thing. They’re not watching. They’re focused on doing their own thing. I probably do more observing than most.

And maybe that’s why it felt so strange. There was no one to notice, no one to watch.

How would you feel if you were the only one at the gym?

Posted in prayer

Go to your room!

Posted on by William Douthwaite

ben-blennerhassett-336485One of the last minute additions to my Ash Wednesday sermon on Matthew 6:1,5-6 was Jesus’ admonition, “Go to your room!” when you are praying. (When’s the last time someone told you to “go to your room?”)

Praying in seclusion certainly has its merits. You can say whatever you want, in whatever tone of voice you want, and not worry about what anyone else might think. You can yell, cry, laugh, swear, spit, whatever. No one’s going to hear. It’s just you and God. You can wear whatever you want, anything from PJs to workout gear or nothing at all if that’s your favorite flavor. No one’s going to say a thing. No one will know. Your posture? Sit, stand, lie down, fetal position or downward dog. It’s up to you.

On top of that there are lots of rooms in which you might pray in seclusion. Like Jonah in a fish, Elijah in a desert, or Moses on a mountain. On a walk, taking a bike ride, In the backyard, shower, empty church sanctuary, office, garage, man cave, workshop, a closet, driving a car, up on the roof, in a journal, or actually in your room. My favorite: on a run. That when my thoughts really flow. A close second: at my church office desk, imagining Jesus sitting in the side chair.

Don’t overanalyze it. Just talk to him and listen.