Tag: friends

Posted in Through the Bible Devotions

Not everybody who wants to be your friend should be your friend

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by NONRESIDENT on Unsplash

A “through the bible” devotion from Nehemiah 6.

My dog Winston (the White Westhighland Terrier) believe that everyone is his friend. His tail is up and wagging for the vet, the vet tech, the front desk receptionist at the vet, the Rottweiler who often walks by our house, the three little terriers who walk down the street, grandkids, in-laws, our small group, and anyone else who will let him jump up in their lap.

Nehemiah has gone out on a limb to ask for time off from his cupbearer job in Susa to go to Jerusalem to rebuild the walls. It was a huge project, made more challenging by enemies who did everything they could to stop the work. Rather than taking an allowance, he fed hundreds of people at his own expense.

As the walls and gates near completion, a few of Nehemiah’s enemies try to buddy up to him. Four times Sanballat and Geshem invite him to a little get-together, and all four times, Nehemiah declines, answering, “I’m busy. I have a lot of work to do.”

He knows. He knows “they intended to do him harm” (Nehemiah 6:2). Nehemiah was loyal, brave, hard working, and discerning. He knows that not everyone who wants to be your friend should be your friend.

That last statement is hard. I don’t like that truth. I’ve always operated under the notion that if you want friends, you should be a friend. So if someone befriends you, you ought to welcome their friendship.

Many of you reading this have learned the hard way that this doesn’t always work out.

  • Some befriend us to take advantage of us. It’s just a matter of time before they ask for money.
  • Others want to be our friends so they can tell others that they are our friends. These folks will broadcast their relationship with us in their promotional material. Yes, I’ve had people join the church so they can add that to their resume.
  • Some will be friends for a while, but at some time and for some reason they will turn. They will turn on you, to make you the bad guy, so they look like the good guy.
  • There are those who jump into friendship, but immediately disappear into the ether. They literally disappear, and you never see them again.

By this time you’re thinking, “Wow, he’s gotten cynical.” You are right. And you’re thinking, “Yeah, I’ve had friends like that.” You’re also wondering, “So who should I be friends with?”

That is a very good question.

  • Don’t let betrayal, disappointment, or threats deter you. Just be a friend with anyone and everyone. The only way to know is to dive in and do it. You can’t predict who’s going to be a keeper and who you throw back.
  • Don’t expect too much from a friend. They will not live up to your expectations. No human does. They will let you down. Just remember: they are your friend.
  • Do invest a lot in friendship. You be the one who is there, who cares, who gives, who gives, who goes beyond expectations.

It’s a lot easier to make friends when you are in school. The friends I remember the best are from elementary, junior high, high school, and college. After that, it’s a lot harder. Why? I don’t know. It’s different when you’re an adult. But it’s no less important.

Must you be friends with everyone who befriends you? No. Be discerning. Be open to new friends. Be a friend. But sometimes it’s okay to walk away.

Posted in dogs, Moments of grace

Life is fun when everyone is your best friend

Posted on by William Douthwaite

On our way back to the cabin one afternoon, we stopped at a small collection of stores by the side of Rt. 23 in Rabun County, Georgia. A jewelry store was flanked by a general store and several antique stores. Since we had our dog Winston with us, I sat out front in a rocking chair while my wife went to check out the shops.

Everyone passing by wants to meet our uber-energetic little white dog who sincerely believes everyone in this world is his best friend.

Phil, owner of the jewelry store was the first to come out to chat. He told me how he makes everything in his shop himself, specializing in native American items. Phil had several rescued dogs and cats at home. Whenever he lay down, one would perch on his head the others cuddled up on each side of him. Winston was thrilled to check out the scent of Phil’s pets. Even though there were “No Pets” signs in the windows, Phil said that everyone here loves dogs.

The next gentleman who stopped to visit explained that he had just adopted a rescue dog. He named his dog Deeohgee (D-O-G). It took me a minute to figure out he didn’t just name his dog Dog. Reminds me of a person I used to visit who named her cat Kitty. Winston was glad this guy had plenty of time to pet him.

A woman walking a very tiny dog stopped by next. Tails were up, furiously wagging five times a second as their noses came together. After a few curious sniffs, the little dog was spooked and backed away from Winston’s playful lunge. A little sniff-and-greet made everyone’s day.

A young couple walked by next, coming out of the general store and headed towards the antiques. He led the way, nodding as he passed, while she followed with arms crossed several steps behind. Neither one looked very happy. I guess they were determined to go antiquing whether they liked it or not. When they came out of the antique store, their disposition hadn’t changed as they walked by in the other direction on the way to their car. Winston so wanted to cheer them up, but they weren’t in the mood.

One more couple greeted us. He had been waiting in a rocking chair, just like me, outside the general store. When she came out with a package, he joined her and they walked past with a friendly greeting. Winston could barely contain himself, but they had to be on their way.

I’ll tell you, life is never dull when everyone is your best friend. What if we all had that attitude?

Posted in friends, Life

You don’t know me, but I know you

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Was that crack there before?”

My heart sunk. Yep, a curly crack ran down the center of the windshield. I couldn’t see any place where a rock had hit, so the relentless summer heat and suddenly cooling-off afternoon showers must have been too much for it.

I knew that my insurance would pay for a replacement. All I had to do was set that process in motion.

“Thanks for calling your insurance agent. This is Courtney, how can I help you?”

I explained the reason for my call. She replied, “Okay, lets bring up your policy and get a claim started.” A few seconds after I gave her my name, she said, “Oh. Now I know who you are. But you have no idea who I am.”

She was right. I had no clue. But when she gave me her first and last name, I remembered teaching her as a teenager many years ago. It’s a small world.

It’s a small world indeed. I encounter people from my past just about weekly in our community. Some of them went to our preschool. Others came for vacation bible school. A few were school friends of my children. Occasionally I run into some of their middle and high school teachers. Former church members and class students, like Courtney.

These people from the past check me out at the store, take my order at the drive through window, workout with me at the gym, dine at the same restaurants, work booths at a home show, come to repair my home, and go to the same doctors.

Whenever I recognize a voice or a face from the past, I feel better. Suddenly, the world feels like a smaller and friendlier place. I’m always thankful for that.

Posted in friends, Ministry

A great friend from the past

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Nina Conte on Unsplash

I had the most pleasant surprise yesterday. After the noon Ash Wednesday worship service, I was hanging around talking to my organist when I caught sight of a man I didn’t recognize walking through the narthex. Nothing out of the ordinary. People wander in all the time. I walked up and introduced myself, and as he shook my hand he said, “Jim Werner.”

Wait a minute. This name is familiar. This name is in the mental database. OMG, Jim Werner. I shared a house with him thirty-eight years ago in Neptune, NJ. Are you kidding? No way? That’s a name from like three lifetimes ago. Yep, it was Jim. He was on his way to Jacksonville, looked me up, stopped by and by the grace of God found me.

Suddenly, a flood of memories from my past overwhelmed me. In 1980, with a whole year of experience of work at Bell Labs under my belt, Jim asked if I would like to share a house with him. Apartment life wasn’t working out very well for me, so I jumped at the opportunity. Jim was a fellow tenor in the choir with me. His family was an influential part of the church Less rent for me. A more affordable home for him. A win-win.

That opportunity was a life-changer in many ways. I could get my first dog, a yellow lab named Gabriel who got along famously with Jim’s Irish setter named Shannon. Jim worked nights, I worked days, so we rarely saw each other during the week. His bright idea to buy a wood burning stove to heat the house afforded me the opportunity to learn how to operate a chain saw and cut and split firewood. I absolutely loved doing that.

I was running 70-80-90 miles a week in preparation for marathons while he had family and friends over to party. His supper would often be no more than a few slices of toast, while I ate a variety of vegetables. Both of us slept on mattresses on the floor because neither one of us had a bed frame. Hey, it was comfortable.

Jim’s family (mom and dad plus three sisters) became my surrogate family as I learned how to live on my own. We were very different from each other, but were also very good for each other.

You never know who God is going to put in your life to help shape your future. But somehow, he always knows who you’ll need.

Posted in people

Hey, I know you…

Posted on by William Douthwaite

You know what it’s like at the doctor’s office. You wait. At my ophthalmologist’s office, there are numerous waiting rooms. After I check in, I sit in the main waiting room. When they call my name, I go back and after a few drops in my eyes, I go to another waiting room. After I saw the doctor, I still needed to see the surgical coordinator, so I was left in yet a third waiting room. At least you feel like you are getting somewhere when they keep moving you around.

Anyway, when it’s my turn, a nice tech or nurse calls, “William,” “Mr. William” (cause we’re in the south), or “Mr. Douthwaite” (or some attempted pronunciation of my last name – because they grew up in the north.) On my most recent visit, I was the last person left in waiting room number three. So I knew I would be next. My right eye was doing great, but remember, it had been corrected for reading. I took my contact lens out of my left eye so they could check the pressure. My left eye is very nearsighted. So I could kind of see, but not really. I could see enough to watch what was on the TV: “Fixer Upper.” In fact, every time I have been to this eye doctor, even at different offices, Chip and Joanna are renovating houses in every waiting room.

No problem. I like that show. Kind of watching, kind of listening, I noticed someone at the door, but they said, “Pastor.” I’m sure I looked surprised, since no one has used my title on previous visits. Sure enough, with a little squint, I recognized someone from church. She had been on vacation when I had come in the last time, so I didn’t even know she worked there. But I’m glad she did! Everyone there had been very nice and done a great job, but it was extra nice to sit down with someone I knew.

I love running into folks I know out in the community. Nurses at the hospital, service reps when I take my car in for service, tellers at the bank, cashiers in the store, servers at the drive-thru window, staff in a big box store or waitresses at the restaurant, staff at funeral homes, teachers in the school and baristas at the coffee shop. I’m grateful for all the people I’ve gotten to know over the years. Makes a large and growing community seem smaller and more personal.

Posted in Grace, Life, Ministry

A week with some guys from the sem

Posted on by William Douthwaite

This past week I’ve had the privilege of spending some time with a couple of first year students from Concordia Seminary, St. Louis. Originally, my son Adam had planned to spend a week at the beach with three of his classmates. A volcano and tropical storm changed our plans. Adam and his friend John got stranded in Guatemala for an extra week beyond their mission trip, so David and Tyler got the beach house to themselves. We had them over for supper a few night and went out to eat with them twice.

It was a pleasure to spend time with some fresh meat…what I mean is some young bucks…you know, new blood who will be pastors in just a few short years.  Adam is blessed to have some great friends. Our church body is blessed to have some excellent young men preparing for ministry. I was blessed to have a little time with them over the past few days, to laugh, eat, drink, and relax. When I was at the sem some twenty-five plus years ago, the hospitality of so may families was so important to a young single guy trying to prepare for the ministry. I met my wife through one of those families, found work through another, and enjoyed the prayer support of so many others.

If these two men are representative of our seminary graduates, I am very optimistic about the future of our church. They were easy going, faithful, caring, appreciative, and easy to talk to. Good with people, good with theology, good support for my son — great guys in so many ways. I hope they remember my comment that the friends they make at seminary will probably be some of the best they will ever have from now on. The friendships you form and nurture during your seminary days are unique, lasting, and priceless. Rarely will you find anything like that in the parish. These guys are a real answer to my prayers — friends to support, challenge, and encourage my son during his seminary years.

Once in a while I think about the truth that I’m not going to be doing this forever. Someday, one of these guys will be bringing communion to me because I can’t get to church very often. One day they’ll be preaching to me, making sure that I don’t forget about the grace of God, the sacrifice of my Savior, and eternal life. Having met these guys, I now look forward to those days. They’ve definitely got game!