Tag: watching

Posted in Life

I noticed a few contradictions

Posted on by William Douthwaite

The line at Wawa was short as I waited to pay for my coffee. I had just filled the truck with gas and needed some afternoon caffeine. In line ahead of me was a pregnant woman who looked like she had just stepped out of a hospital operating room. She wore light blue scrubs, a face mask, and head covering along with a hospital ID clipped onto a pocket.

I watched with interest as she placed a sub and a large coffee on the counter and told the cashier what kind of cigarettes she wanted. As she paid the cashier asked, “Are you a nurse?” She replied, “No, I’m a doctor.”

I couldn’t help but notice the apparent contradictions. Health care and smoking. Pregnancy and caffeine.

It’s easy to be judgmental. I don’t know the whole story. It could have been a large decaf. Those cigarettes could have been for someone else. My mom smoked and drank lots of coffee. So did my childhood doctor and his office nurse.

I wonder what contradictions people notice when they see me.

  • Did anyone notice how I could preach, “Love your neighbor” when I couldn’t stand the person living across the street from me? Did I ever mention how happy I was when I saw a For Sale sign in his front yard?
  • No one got to see the times my eyes rolled back as I listened to endless rants from members on the phone who were upset about anything and everything. Yes, there were days when I hoped some of the sheep would wander off and get lost.
  • I wonder how it looked when I didn’t get my afternoon caffeine and I couldn’t keep my eyes open during an afternoon visit. That sure makes people feel important. I suppose that was simply payback for those times when I put people to sleep on a Sunday morning.

What contradictions do people notice when they watch or listen to you?

Posted in Life

Who do I see? Who’s watching me?

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Photo by Edi Libedinsky on Unsplash

“We worry too much about what others think, when the reality is they’re thinking about themselves, not us.” 

I believe those words, or something close to it, are from an interview with graphic novelist Leanne Shapton. Those words contrast with most of us who are hyper-sensitive to who’s watching us, who’s sizing us up, and who likes us. Are people paying attention and forming judgments about us? Or are they self-absorbed and oblivious?

I’ve been paying attention to who’s paying attention to me. There’s much wisdom in those words. Few if any are paying attention.

How about at the gym? Is anyone watching to see if my squats go past horizontal? Or if I’m lifting more weight now than I did a month ago? Does anyone notice if I re-rack my weights or not? (Besides the owner who spends a lot of time putting things away.) Does anyone know if I’ve skipped a week? Probably not.

I like to watch people at the gym. I recognize the ones who are there every week. I watch in awe as some lift a whole lot more weight than I do. I notice how many people have earbuds and are texting on their phones in between every set. I wonder what they’re listening to or who they are talking to.

How about at the store? No one notices me in the car behind them as they slowly walk down the middle of a parking lane. Few notice that I am trying to get past them as they park in the center of an aisle to ponder the choices of cereal on the shelves. One lady didn’t notice as she took off with my shopping cart. An attendant is there at the self-checkout lanes, but I don’t know if they are watching that closely to make sure I scan every item in my basket. (For the record, I do.)

I like to watch people at the store. I watch them as they stroll the aisles, glancing side to side, deciding what they might want to buy that day. So different than me. I have a list. I’m on a mission. I get in and out as efficiently as possible.

How about at the coffee shop? Does anyone know or care that I can hear their conversation? Or see what they are studying? Or notice that I am watching them?

I look to watch people at coffee shops. I look to see what the baristas have set out in the pickup area. What’s in that food bag? What is that pink drink? I like to peek at what someone is studying or reading. I like to listen in on interviews and conversations.

In many of the mystery books I’ve been reading lately, the protagonist spends a lot of time watching body language and facial expressions. Detectives, spies, and intelligence types notice a lot about the people around them. I’m inspired. The more I read, the more I watch. I want to notice, too.

What do I see? And who is watching me?

Posted in 2022 Lent Devotions

Have you ever watched someone live?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

“Mirror of the Passion” Lent devotion for April 5, 2022. Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

All the crowds that had assembled for this spectacle, when they saw what had taken place, returned home beating their breasts. And all his acquaintances and the women who had followed him from Galilee stood at a distance watching these things. (Luke 23:48,49)

Have you ever watched someone die? It is a powerful, moving moment. In those few seconds, the temporal and the eternal intersect. I’ve sat with many in hospice who were within a day of death, but I’ve rarely been there for someone’s final moment. Sadness, wonder, memories, labored breathing, and prayers fill the room of those on their deathbed.

According to Luke, crowds were there when Jesus died. Both those who knew him and those who had accompanied him from Galilee witnessed his final moments. All they could do was watch.

Perhaps the more important question is, “Have you ever watched someone live?”

Have you seen them in their element, almost effortlessly doing what they were created to do? Have you seen them laugh or cry without reservation, swept away by emotion? Have you seen them enjoy a delicious bite (or a whole bowl) of something? Have you seen them jump in the water, slide down the hill, been soaked with sweat, or swallow some nasty-tasting medicine?

Much of this crowd had seen Jesus live. They had seen him eat and drink, celebrate and mourn, sleep and wake, walk and talk, and teach. He worked with his hands, celebrated weddings, enjoyed a good meal, loved children, and told great stories.

They didn’t know it, but a couple of days later, some of them would get to watch Jesus live again. The resurrection forever changes the way we see life and death. Death will come, so we don’t want to take any of our days for granted. But resurrection will come, too, so we don’t want to dwell too much on death.

What’s the right balance? Focus on Jesus. He’ll show you how to live, how to die, and how to live again!

Show me how to live, Lord.

Posted in Life

Who’s watching?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

rob-sarmiento-85394Who’s watching me? I’m not paranoid. I really don’t mind people watching me. I just started thinking about all ways I’m being watched and I don’t even realize it.

Like all those security cameras in the stores. Maybe some are just recording. But some must have someone actually watching the feed.

What about the people in their homes who watch me through their window as I walk by with my dog? I always look up when they walk by my home. I’ll bet they glance at me, too.

I hope people are watching me from their cars. I want them to miss me rather than hit me if I’m crossing the street.

How about the people slowly driving through the neighborhood. I don’t always recognize the car. Are they watching to see when I’m home? And when I’m not?

There’s a lizard on the porch who watches me very carefully. If I take one step too close, he’s gone.

Then there’s my dog who watches me when I’m eating. Just in case a scrap falls to the floor. Or I save a piece of something for him.

I know that someone digitally watches me when I browse products online. Ads for those very items immediately pop up when I use other applications.

The waiter or waitress at the restaurant watches me. To see if I’m ready to order, need a refill or dessert, or need the check.

Facebook stalkers. They look at everything I post and every picture I’m in. But I never know it. They never post themselves. They may not even be friends. But they are watching.

Some of the cars following me have sensors that watch me. If I stop, they make sure that car stops too, avoiding a rear-end collision.

There is always someone monitoring the self-checkout lane at Home Depot. I hardly notice them, but I know they are paying attention to me.

I am often surprised by the invisible voice who calls out, “Welcome to the store!”

It could be the other people you are having lunch with. They are watching closely to see if I’ll reach for the check.

I like to watch people. And I’ll be they like to watch me.

Who’s watching you?

Posted in Life

Invisible.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

invisible manI am invisible.

I am sitting at a table near Dunkin Donuts in the Orlando airport and I am invisible. As people come from the gates and head towards the B side of the terminal to get their bags or go to the parking lot, no one notices me.

I am staring right at them. I am staring at the woman wearing pajama bottoms. I am looking right at the man in a turban. I make eye contact with the woman in a tank top and no bra. I look into the eyes of the man with a large dog. A lady limping. A family on their way to Disney. No one sees me. No one sees me looking. All their attention is focused on the signs that lead them to their baggage, ground transportation or a parking garage. I can stare. I can take pictures. I can talk. I can laugh out loud. No one notices.

I am invisible.

I wonder how many times someone has been watching me? Someone I never saw. Someone who was invisible. Did I do something embarrassing? Did they laugh at me? Or did they not even take a second look?

Like I was invisible.