Posted in memories, Stories

We made a friend

“Where are we going?” my son asked.

“We’re going to deliver a gift.”

I saw our neighbor drive off. This was our chance. We looked both ways, hurried across the street, and left the brightly wrapped box on the doorstep. Who knew how much time we had? We hurried back home like nothing ever happened.

We knew we were taking a big risk. No one, absolutely no one dared step into this man’s yard, much less approach his door. If your ball rolled up on his lawn, you just left it there. If you were playing in the street and saw his front door open, you ran home. We didn’t even know his name, but we feared him nonetheless.

“We’re going to deliver a gift.” A Christmas ornament and cookies. Guaranteed to thaw a soul, right? At least we tried.

Every neighborhood has one. The one you fear. The one you avoid. The one you taunt. The one you watch from a distance. Where I grew up it was Old Man Somebody.” We didn’t know his name. We didn’t know anything about him. But we perpetuated the legend of the grouchiest, grumpiest, craziest elderly neighbor you could imagine. We would try to taunt him by shouting, “Hey, old man!” and running away. For some reason, when you are eight years old this is great fun. I never even saw the man, yet I was deathly afraid of him.

We got a thank you note. We got a thank you note from Mr. Critchfield, our across-the-street neighbor. From that moment on he waved when we were coming or going. He smiled when he saw us. We smiled at him.

We made a friend.

Posted in memories, teaching

The worst way to die

The question seemed simple enough. “What do you think would be the worst way to die?”

It’s like I flipped a switch. The room full of fairly disinterested 7th and 8th graders came to life with a flood of macabre methods of taking human life. Clearly I was not the first to ask them this question, and they excitedly offered up these horrible ways of killing, some of which I’ve never heard of before.

  • Put someone in a hollow brazen bull and light a fire under it until the person bakes to death.
  • Stuff someone in a barrel and nail the top shut, simply leaving them to die and slowly rot away.
  • Impale the victim on a sharp stick which would slowly pierce the length of their body.
  • Dip someone in the Amazon River, allowing the piranha to eat away their flesh.

I’ve been teaching this age group for a long time, but I’ve never had a class so fascinated with death and dying. I doubt many had even been to a funeral or seen a corpse, so this was all theoretical.

I remember doing a play in Junior High school called “The Lottery” based on a story by Shirley Jackson. It was about a small town that annually chose the name of one citizen who would be stoned to death by everyone else. The tradition provided a communal outlet for hate and anger. When everyone you know takes your life, that seems to be a pretty bad way to go.

Posted in memories

What did we do all summer?

I’m a boomer who grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. My dad left for work at 6 am and got home at 6 pm for supper. My mom was a pretty typical housewife, cooking, cleaning, sewing, reading and making sure the three of us (my brother, sister and I) didn’t kill each other. But I don’t remember her entertaining us all day. She pretty much wanted us to stay out of her hair.

Plus, it’s the 1960’s and 70’s. No iPhones. No computers. No internet. No videos, no DVDs, No VHS, no CDs. No cable TV. Our family TV didn’t even have UHF capability. Our black and white TV could pull in four TV stations from the roof antenna. One of them, channel 12, was PBS (Public Broadcasting System). I even remember that channel three was NBS, channel 6 was ABC, and channel 10 was CBS. Daytime TV was mostly soap operas (yawn).

What in the world did we do all day? What did we do all summer?

We played outside. We had a big backyard, big enough to play catch with a baseball. If we could find a third, we played “run the bases”, trying to slide in safely and steal a base. If you were alone, you played wall-ball in the driveway, throwing the ball at the wall and either catching it or hiding when it hit the neighbor’s house. I don’t know how my parents endured the constant thud-thud-thud of hours of wall-ball.

At least once a week we would jump our back yard fence into some private property that was basically a massive un-mown field owned by Boeing. The plant had long since closed, so no one was there. With a bucket of baseballs, we would hit fungos, field fly balls, and then peg throws home to the plate. The hitter had to quickly transition from batter to catcher. We lost a lot of balls in the long grass, but would find them again when someone occasionally mowed the field.,

One summer, we took the 4×8 piece of plywood that we had used for a model train setup and made a ping pong table. It was on the small side, but it worked for our basement. We painted it blue because my dad had come leftover blue paint. We lined the edges and center line with white tape. We added a net, ping pong balls and paddles, and we were all set. We played many, many games with spins and slams, just about the time President Nixon’s ping-pong diplomacy was a thing.

We also had a dart board. We hung it on the concrete block wall of the basement, which was soon surrounded with hundreds of marks from darts that missed the board altogether. Why so many misses? We wound up and tried to throw them at the board as hard as we could.

A big amusement was Strat-O-Matic baseball. Strat-O-Matic baseball was a game played with Major League Baseball player cards and dice. You set a line up, rolled the dice, and the card for each player would tell you the out or hit result of that at-bat. OMG, we played that game for hours and hours, summer after summer. We had current teams. We had classic teams like the 1927 New York Yankees or the 1954 Philadelphia Phillies. We kept box scores. We compiled statistics. We typed up the stats. We were into it.

When the heat or summer showers kept us inside, we would pretend we had a restaurant, the Historian. We used mom’s old manual typewriter to type up menus featuring outrageous entrees with outrageous prices, and then pretend to be either waiters, cooks or diners.

We took a lot of bike rides. I had a 26-in one-speed Schwinn. My best friend had a ten-speed Schwinn Stingray. We would go out for hours, riding all over Delaware County.

One summer my dad put in an above-ground pool, which occupied us on all the hot days.

Once I got to Junior High School, there was a summer band program for a month or two. I loved summer band. It’s still a favorite part of my childhood memories. Combined with some high school students, we mostly just played through all kinds of concert and jazz band arrangements. I learned a lot of classic marches, show tunes and big band pieces during those years.

I still smile when I remember how I spent my summers fifty-plus years ago. Mom was blessed, too, because most of the time we stayed out of her hair.

Posted in memories

Is it warm in here?

What feels better than nice warm air blowing up through your chilly toes on an ice-cold winter morning? Not much, which is why we liked camping out on the heater vent in the living room of the house where I grew up.

This vent was located right over the natural gas furnace in the basement, which meant it produced the best blast of heated air in the entire house. The kid bedrooms were all on the chilly second floor, where warm air should have risen, but never quite make it. So when we heard the furnace come on, we gathered around the floor vent behind my mom’s recliner. It was barely big enough to accommodate six little feet, so dueling toes was the name of the game.

The vent had the added feature that you could see the TV from there, too. I wish we had a photo of my brother and sister and I sitting over that wonderful flow of air.

I remember my mom talking about the time she caught either my brother or sister sitting on the vent eating ice cream from a carton. Best of both worlds, right?

Posted in memories

We’ll have the “Zoo”

One of the places where my friends and I used to go for something to eat after football games, concerts or other events was Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour Restaurant at the Granite Run Mall in Media, Pennsylvania. Farrell’s was a west coast franchise that made its way to the east coast in the mid-1970’s.

We mostly went for the interesting ice cream creations, but you could also get burgers, sandwiches and fries. The really big deal dessert was called the Zoo, a sundae that consisted of two and a half gallons of various kinds of ice cream, all the ice cream toppings and syrups and whipped cream. It was designed to be eaten by a group, not an individual. Ambulance sirens would blare as the servers carried the enormous bowl on a stretcher to your table with a bunch of long handled spoons. Of course, everyone there cheered for those willing to take on way too much desert.

The Zoo at Farrell’s.

Ridley and Springfield High Schools were intense rivals in the 1970’s. On one occasion, nine of my band friends and myself challenged ten of their band members to a Zoo eating contest. The challenge ended in a draw, as each team of ten consumed two Zoos.

I’m not sure if my mom and dad knew where we were going when a bunch of my friends loaded up into our car, a bare bones 1970 Ford Falcon station wagon, and I drove us all to Farrell’s or other places where we liked to hang out. It’s probably better that they didn’t know exactly how many friends were loaded into the car. It’s only by the grace of God we all got home safely every time.

The last Farrell’s closed in 2019.

Posted in memories, Stories

Cassette tape recorder? Best thing ever!

One of the greatest most entertaining thing I ever had as a child was a Panasonic cassette tape recorder. I think I was twelve or thirteen years old (1970) when I saved up enough money to buy one at Radio Shack. It ran off of four C batteries or you could plug it in to a wall outlet. I used it constantly with friends and family to record anything and everything, reusing the few blank cassette tapes we could afford. Most of those cassettes were cheap no-names. But for Christmas or a birthday, you might get some made by Memorex, TDK, or Scotch.

We would record songs from the radio, holding the recorder close to the portable radio. The sound was pretty bad, but hey, now we had free music! We also recorded and re-listened to Philadelphia Phillies baseball games. I remember being very concerned when somewhere around the eighth inning, I heard the words, “This broadcast is the property of the Philadelphia Phillies and Major League Baseball. Any reuse of this broadcast is specifically prohibited by law.” I always wondered what would happen to us if someone found out that we were recording the games!

My friend from the down the street and I would record all kinds of funny noises, do fake interviews and record outrageous stories that made us laugh so hard we were in tears. Sometimes I would just record family conversation after supper, which we found hysterical, especially if we could get my dad to sing.

We never did the recommended cleaning of the rollers and heads inside the recorder, so every cassette eventually got caught in side the machine. Then you have to pull out yards and yards of tape and try to roll it back up by twirling a pencil through one of the spools. Sometimes it worked. Mostly you just had a ruined tape.

Every once in a while, I’ll find an old cassette in a box somewhere. I have no way to listen to it, though. I haven’t had a cassette player for twenty years. But they were cheap, easy and for me, a whole lot of fun.

Posted in memories

Connecticut memories

The first parish where I served as a pastor was Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Coventry, CT. We lived there for five years, from 1986-1991. The other day I quickly jotted down a few memories that popped into my head.

  • We had two Labrador retrievers, Gabriel (yellow) and Rachel (chocolate), plus two cats, Fred and Ginger. I would hit baseballs into the woods for the dogs to retrieve.
  • I loved cutting and splitting firewood. Great exercise, and we loved the heat from the wood burning stove in the winter.
  • The pews in the church had welded steel frames and wooden planks, crafted by some of the founders of the church. We had kneelers, too, which created quite a sound when they all fell to the floor at the same time for confession.
  • I got my first personal computer in Connecticut. Monochrome display, 5-1/4 inch floppy disk, no internet at that time. I just used it for word processing.
  • We often took the kids to the barns at the University of Connecticut. Most were open to the public, so we walked through rows of cows, pens full of sheep and goats, and fields filled with horses. The pigs were off-limits, though. Too many people tried to take the piglets. If we didn’t want to go to UConn, we just walk down the road to a small farm where horses, goats and chickens would come to greet us at the fence.
  • We lived in the church parsonage which sat on four acres right next to another four acres where the church was located. My two oldest children and I would often walk what we call the “‘benture trail,” along the boundary of our property which ran right up to the woods.
  • The obstetrician who brought our older daughter into the world forgave the part of our bill that insurance wouldn’t cover, in exchange for some “special intentions.” I was grateful, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t even know what that was. (They are intercessory prayers for someone, I think.)
  • The parsonage was a two-story, five bedroom, 2-1/2 bath, 2,600 sq. ft. home with a full basement and garage beneath. We moved in with a baby (Adam was four months old), a bed, a dresser, a crib, a table and a couple of chairs. We never never came close to fully furnishing that house. We did buy some antique oak dressers that we are still using today.
  • In the winter, those who smoked would stand in the narthex to stay warm, flicking ashes into the corner where they thought no one would notice.
  • The church wasn’t that big, averaging about 70 per Sunday in attendance. I still remember a whole bunch of the names: Thurber, Edmonds, Garay, Jeram, Sheehan, Ultzen, Wiebusch, Sans, Dollak, Davis, Burger, Dwyer, Bement, Ausburger, Underwood and Potterton. (That’s amazing!)

Not bad recall for events from over thirty years ago!

Posted in memories

I’ve got some relics

I’m not sure why this popped into my mind this morning, but I wondered to myself, “What do I still have from before I got married?” My wife and I are coming up on our 36th anniversary this May. Do I own anything that is older than that? Not much.

My Strad, still in its original case.

First thing on the list: my trumpet. A silver plated model 43 Bach Stradivarius Bb. I bought it in 1979 when I had just graduated from college and was working my first job at Bell Labs in West Long Branch, NJ. It was my second Strad. My first was a brass plated horn that my dad bought for me when I was in ninth grade, I think. But someone broke into my car in the Bell Labs parking lot and stole it my first summer in NJ. I still remember going to Red Bank music where they had a whole bunch or horns in stock and playing them till I found the one I decided to buy for $600. (I think they list for about $3,000 today!) It has served me well for forty-one years.

Next: some tools. I’ve got some metric wrenches I purchased when I owned a 1980 Volkswagon Rabbit that had a diesel engine. There wasn’t much to that engine, but it got over 50 miles to the gallon when I was at the seminary. In fact, I could drive from the seminary in Ft. Wayne, IN to my parents home in Philadelphia on one tank of fuel. I think I bought these to switch out the glow plugs one winter. I’m not sure what else I used them for back then, but I still use them now.

I’ve also got a few pots and mixing bowls my mom bought for me when I moved into my first apartment. She got me a small set of Revereware. We still have and use one small sauce pan and a couple of the steel mixing bowls. These items would actually predate the trumpet by about six months.

I’ve probably got a few photo prints from before I got married, but I’m not sure where they are in the house. Perhaps a theological few books from my first two years at the seminary, too. But that’s about it.

Posted in memories

My decade in review

Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash

When I look back on the decade that just past, I am amazed at how many significant events happened in my life.

  • My wife and I took all of our foreign mission trips in the 2010’s. She headed out first, going to Haiti with a medical mission team just six weeks after the devastating earthquake there. She called me in the middle of my Sunday sermon to tell me about the work she was doing. We both went to Haiti later that year, took a team from our church in 2011 and returned one more time in 2016. She and I did another trip to Kenya in 2013 and Madagascar in 2015. (You can read about these trips elsewhere on this blog.)
  • Our two daughters graduated from college in 2010 and 2013, and our son graduated from the seminary in 2013. I had the privilege of ordaining him at our church, my top moment when I was thinking back over thirty years of ministry.
  • All three of our children got married in the past decade. Our son married in 2012, and our two daughters both married in 2014. I got to be there at ground zero to lead them in their vows to one another.
  • All six of our grandchildren were born in the 2010’s: three granddaughters and three grandsons. (We had all six together this past Christmas, all under the age of six! No, we could not get them all to sit still for a group picture.)
  • At church, which was a big part of the decade, we housed the homeless with Family Promise, danced and sang in Vacation Bible School, closed our preschool after twenty-four good years of ministry, and partnered with local churches from other cultures who use our facilities each week.
  • Oh, and of course it was the decade of Sam, our Florida Brown Dog. He had his own memoir here.

It was anything but a dull decade! My family tripled in size, we remodeled our home, and I learned a lot with Child Evangelism Fellowship and Stephen Ministry. I wonder what the ’20’s will bring?