Posted in Grace, Ministry, wedding

The venue wedding

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The Treasury on the Plaza, St. Augustine, FL

This post is a sequel to “Will you do my daughter’s wedding?” from August 26, 2017. I promised an update, so here goes…

After a few more email exchanges, I finally figured out what the bride had in mind. It wasn’t that she didn’t want the biblical side of things. She just didn’t want it to be so formal, which is fine at a venue wedding. She suggested a few scripture readings, which I had requested, and we were good to go. I performed the ceremony just a few hours ago, everything went well, and here are a few of my reflections.

It was worth it just to see how happy the couple was. I only met them briefly at last night’s rehearsal, but today, they were both smiling ear-to-ear. They were so excited to have reached this day.

The mother of the bride asked me to use a bible which her grandmother had given her mother at her wedding. They would pass it along to a fourth generation. I thought that was cool. I met the grandmother who had first received that bible today. Her nickname was Crunch. She was the fourth on her bowling team, so when it was her turn in the tenth frame of a close game, it was “crunch time,” and she usually came through.

The father of the bride was a bit uncomfortable about giving up his only daughter to this young man. I can relate. How do you let go of your little girl? It’s not easy. Who could ever live up to your expectations for your daughter’s husband? We hit it off well and had a great conversation.

The wedding planner, Brittney, was just one of so many coordinating the wedding. She had an assistant helping her. The venue had two or three coordinators. There was a sound person, a light person, a photographer with assistant, a videographer, and a few other miscellaneous people dressed in black with gold name badges who had jobs to do. That didn’t include the bartenders, wait staff, photo booth staff and footmen who would reset the room after the ceremony for the reception. It takes a lot of people to make a day like this happen!

I don’t have any pictures from the wedding yet. The new tradition is request that everyone put their phones away to focus on the ceremony. I’ll dig some up online though and add them later. This was one fancy place ($$$$).

And you know what? For the first time in about thirty years, I can honestly say that I am enjoying doing weddings. (What? I thought that was your least favorite thing to do!) I guess I’m getting old and sentimental. It gives me great joy and hope when two become one. I’ll write more about this another day…

 

Posted in church, Grace, Ministry

Lessons learned when the church is in decline

graph-chart-down-downward-dip-plunge-recession-depressionFor years, the congregation I currently serve enjoyed relatively easy growth. The main reason was the explosive growth of our community. We were in the fastest growing county (percentage-wise) in the country. New homes being built everywhere, new families moving to town, new people seeking churches, Lutherans seeking Lutheran churches. With 3-4 visiting families at each and every worship service, the challenge was to keep up with follow-up phone calls and visits.

We added a third Sunday morning worship service. We began a Wednesday night education for youth and adults. We designed and built a new sanctuary. We had a vicar for three consecutive years. I learned a lot in those years as our modest congregation pretty much doubled in size. Continue reading “Lessons learned when the church is in decline”

Posted in church, Ministry

For some, this is church (part 2)

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Photo by Jakub Kapusnak on Unsplash

For me, the “church” has always been church. But there are other gatherings that function as “church” for them and their families.

It was quite a while ago, but I vividly remember a conversation with some visitors to our church. They only came the one time and wouldn’t be back because their children were involved in a youth hockey league. But they were OK with that, because in their words, “Hockey teaches our kids the same things as church: teamwork, loyalty, sacrifice and hard work.” For them, the hockey experience was church.

In another conversation, an on and off attender explained that they got more support, inspiration and fellowship from their lodge than from the church. Church for them had been filled with conflict, controversy, and contradiction. Their lodge encounter was everything that they thought the church should be. For them, that was church.

Yet a third person found church in a group that met at a coffee shop each week. There they could talk openly about their struggles, and the others would listen. There was no condemnation, only affirmation. The group was loyal, dependable and supportive. Since they found everything they needed right there over a cup of coffee, who needs church. Their coffee-shop group was church to them.

Mark Zuckerberg claims that Facebook can provide the support and purpose that people seek through online groups and communities. His mission is to bring people — 1 billion people — together in this way.

I know that the church is about more than just a support group. But why do some churches seem unable to provide the connection, support and therapy that many desire and find elsewhere?

Maybe Satan doesn’t care if you invest your time and energy into a team, a lodge or coffee. But he’ll do his best to make your church seem like the last place you’ll find what you are looking for.

 

Posted in Grace, Life, Ministry

Unexpected, but welcome, guests at church

American_Ambulance_-_6357dfIt’s never a dull day in church when the EMTs show up!

It was a muggy summer day, inside and out. The air conditioning wasn’t at full capacity, so this preacher had worked up a sweat long before the sermon. I can see everything going on from my vantage point in the chancel. Nothing out of the ordinary until I saw some movement towards my left, in the front few pews. At first it looked like one of our youth leaning against her mom. But as a few nurses and elders made their way over, I could see that she had passed out.  Continue reading “Unexpected, but welcome, guests at church”

Posted in Grace, Ministry

Live from Palm Coast: Confirmation Class!

Screen Shot 2017-08-28 at 10.01.36 PMBecause of the busyness, schedules and distances involved, I’ve got my weekly confirmation classes on Facebook live each week. The technology makes it very easy to do, and those who miss class for one reason or another can watch the feed later.

It is, however, a bit surreal watching myself teach. It’s interesting watching my mannerisms, listening to the interactions, and observing the dynamics of the room. I don’t often listen to or watch myself. But when I do, I hear and see much that reminds me of my brother and my son. I’m always surprised at the timbre of my voice. I know I’m a tenor, but my voice doesn’t sound as high in my head as it does on the video. I love the energy in the room. From where do I summon ninety minutes late on a Monday afternoon? And I love the laughter. My own and theirs. Obviously, I’m still having fun doing this. That’s right, in a room full of middle school students!

I also observe what I’ve always known. The biggest benefit is the relationship I build with the students. Two years of weekly interaction at that level builds a bond I don’t have with many in the congregation. We pray, we eat, we wrestle with hard questions, we laugh, we create, we grow and we change. Few get to enjoy that dynamic with young people. In that room, the rubber meets the road, and the Holy Spirit works through God’s Word to make a powerful impact.

Before you know it, in the blink of an eye, they’ll be in high school. Everything changes when that day comes. Youth in high school have all the answers. Middle school students have all the questions. I think that’s what makes it so rewarding.

Since it’s on my Facebook page, I’ve gotten over 100 people tuning in to watch at least part of the class the past two weeks. People from all over the country, people I haven’t heard of for years, and people I forgot I was even friends with. I don’t know how long they stay. How much zaniness can any one viewer stand?

This year’s class is live on my Facebook page every Monday (except holidays) from 5:30 – 7:00 pm. 

Posted in Grace, Ministry

Is anger a sin?

Film Title: The Incredible HulkA couple of Sundays ago, my Church 101 membership class was challenged with the question, “Is anger a sin?” Along with that was the observation that Jesus was angry when he cleared the money changers from the temple in Jerusalem. So the follow up question is, “Is there such a thing as righteous indignation (or anger?)” Continue reading “Is anger a sin?”

Posted in Ministry, Stuff

“Will you do my daughter’s wedding?”

Paster-Orr-CeremonyI will probably get in big trouble for this post. But you know what? It just might be worth it. I’m pretty sure that the parties involved will not see this post. So here goes…

A few weeks ago I got one of those anonymous emails asking, “Would you do our daughter’s wedding in Saint Augustine? We are Lutheran, but we live out of the area.”

Sometimes I simply ignore these requests. But for some reason I was intrigued and replied, “What church do you belong to?”

I heard back from the mother quickly,  “We aren’t actually members right now, but we have attended (she went on to name some South Florida churches)”. Hmm. Interesting. Should I keep the discussion going? What the heck. Let’s see where this goes.

OK. I am available. When and where is the wedding? They replied with a date and a time. OK, I can do it. Let’s set up a phone conversation.

The phone conversation went surprisingly well. Nice folks. We’re three weeks out from the wedding, so we better get to work. I sent a copy of a typical wedding ceremony, asking for their input as to what scripture they would like me to read. I also gave them some suggestions.

About a week later, I hear from the bride-to-be. “I looked at the service. Can you make it less biblical?” Hmm. I replied, “I’m not sure what you mean. I am a Lutheran pastor. Just about everything I do is bible-based and Christ-centered.” She replies, “Some bible is OK. But you didn’t say much about things like the relationship and love and life.”

Here is what I emailed in reply:

I’ve give some thought to your request, but I’m struggling to come up with anything.

I could talk about how love is patient, kind, and enduring. I could say something about how you were created for a relationship like you and your fiancé have. I could explain how we actually find what life is all about when we give it away to someone else. Unfortunately, all those truths are biblical (1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Genesis 2:18-24; Luke 9:24).

I’m a pastor. I’ve been charged with preaching the word (the bible) — that’s from 2 Timothy 4:2. Rather than myself, I talk about Jesus (2 Cor. 4:5). I have no doubt that the only way my own marriage has lasted over 33 years is because of God’s gifts of mercy, grace and forgiveness (Eph. 2:8-9). All the things that make my relationship with my wife possible — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control — are all the gifts of God’s Spirit for us. This too is biblical (Galatians 5:25-26).

So you see, that’s all I’ve got. I will not offended if you and your fiancé decide to find someone else to officiate at your wedding. However, I will do my best if you would still like me to perform the ceremony. Either way, I pray that you and your future husband will experience the joy and blessing of being husband and wife for many, many years.

So what do you think? Did I reply appropriately? I really believe that mom wanted a pastor to officiate the wedding, but the kids weren’t really into the church thing. It’s been a few days and I haven’t heard back. I’ll let you know what happens…

Posted in Ministry, Rant

It’s time for confirmation classes!

ringing-alarm-clock-28496894It’s that time of year again. There must be some sort of internal alarm that goes off in the minds of parents who have children entering 7th grade. It’s not a bell or a chime, but a voice which insists, “You better get your child to confirmation class!”

Parents who were somewhat raised in the church, who attended classes leading up to their confirmation, may not have been especially faithful in bringing their own children to church or Sunday School. But come hell or high water, “You are going to confirmation class.”

So here is what I’ve been wondering. What does it do to a young person’s faith when Mom and Dad suddenly make you go to confirmation class? Or youth group. My youth leaders started off their year by asking those who came to the first meeting, “So why did you come tonight.” Some youth answered, “My mom made me come.” What will be their memories of youth group?

Do you have any idea what it’s like to face a room full of middle school youth whose faces broadcast, “I would rather be anywhere but here”? I have to get and keep their attention, earn and keep their trust, and build a pastoral relationship from scratch.

So basically, parents brought their kids to be baptized, stopped in from time to time to worship at Christmas and Easter, and now hope that I will be able to prepare their children to confess their faith and commit to being faithful unto death. That is a daunting task. To tell you the truth, I don’t know if I’m up to it.

Weeping and gnashing of teeth follow when I tell them they need to do sermon reports. Which means you have to come to church and listen to a sermon. Suddenly mom and dad have to get up and come for worship, too. Ouch. And there is memory work to do. What? Are you serious? Yes, I am.

This is when I am humbled and discover exactly where I rate in this world. If the coach says, “You have to be there,” you are there. If the band director says, “You have to be there,” you are there. If the scoutmaster say, “You have to be there,” you find a way to get there. If the dance teacher says, “You must be there,” you go. If the pastor says, “You must be there,” you say, “Well, the [coach, director, scoutmaster, teacher] said I have to go [to practice, to rehearsal, to class]. Sorry, I can’t come this week.”

Sigh. You have spent eleven years teaching your children by example that your faith is not really all that important to you. I thank you for your confidence in me. But I am also sorry; there is little I can do to undo that.

OK, this is not always the case. In fact, this year my three second-year students come from families who have been faithful in worship for years. I have known these young people since they were very young, and it is a joy to teach them, encourage them and learn from them as they boldly confess and live out their faith.

It’s not a perfect process, but I am so blessed to be a part of it!

 

Posted in Grace, Life, Ministry

A letter to the person who stole from our church’s offerings.

offering_plateFirst of all, I forgive you. I know that not everyone in our church agrees with me, but as a pastor, I was called to the forgiveness business. I don’t know your story. I don’t know why you did it. I don’t know how desperate you were. I don’t know how long it had been since you were able to buy groceries for your kids. I don’t know how hungry you were. I don’t know how scared you were about being evicted. I just know that Jesus died for your sins, and there is forgiveness for you.

Second, how did you do it? How did you get into the safe where the offerings were put each Sunday? I don’t even know the combination to the safe. How did you know which offering envelopes had cash in them every week? Did you think no one would notice. How did you convince your conscience that this was OK to do? How do you sleep at night?

Third, if you were in a tight spot and needed help, why didn’t you ask? You knew that we help people all the time, no questions asked. You knew that we wouldn’t let you go hungry or homeless. You knew we would help you just as we would help Jesus himself. Why didn’t you just ask?

Finally, I am sorry. I let you down. You are probably someone I know. I should have known and I should have helped sooner. Please forgive me.

(In 2016, someone took about $2,000 from our church’s weekly offerings over a period of several months. We have changed our procedure for handling contributions, but I have also recommitted myself to helping anyone in need.)