Posted in Life

Another step into the grown-up world

Posted on by William Douthwaite
Over the past few days, my youngest daughter who just turned fifteen has taken a couple of giant steps into the grown-up world. She got her learner’s permit to drive and she opened some bank accounts. Suddenly, she’s driving me around. Money isn’t going out as fast as it comes in, but is being saved and budgeted. Real world stuff.

I think I was younger when I opened my first bank account, a passbook savings account. One where the teller wrote in what you were depositing or withdrawing in a little book. A far cry from the online banking world we’re in now where you don’t ever actually see your cash.

I learned how to drive in driver’s education class in high school. I remember cruising along in a car with a second brake pedal on the passenger side which the instructor seemed to use quite often, and two classmates in the back seat either heckling or praying.

Even though we’ve passed these milestones with our two older children, it’s no less exciting or rewarding to share these moments.

Posted in Rant

“Pastor, we quit.”

Posted on by William Douthwaite
In the past few weeks I’ve gotten a brief letter from one member of the congregation and an email from another saying basically the same thing: “Pastor, we quit.” The communications came with no warning, no previous discussion or complaint, or even a hint that anything was wrong. Just a one sentence communication, “Please remove us from membership because we won’t be attending worship there anymore.”

My first reaction is one of guilt. What did do? What did I say? What didn’t I do? I asked my elders if they had any information, but they were as surprised as I was. So I called to find out what was going on. I was right. It was me. But it was also a lot of other things. As I listened, it seemed like everything was a problem. A huge laundry list of reasons why it just wasn’t working out anymore.

My next reaction, then, was of cynicism. You needed ten reasons to quit? You couldn’t even call? You just decided not to show up anymore? Nice commitment. Glad we could count on you. For those kinds of attitudes I ask forgiveness. Shepherds really aren’t supposed to feel that way, are they?

Then, came acceptance. Over the years I’ve learned and have come to accept that people come and people go. Especially in our culture. It’s doesn’t take much to cause people to switch hairdressers, grocery stores, and churches. In the past, I’ve been on the receiving end. Families have joined our church, relating how miserable their previous pastor and congregation were. It shouldn’t surprise me that some will leave and go someplace else with similar stories about us. Many Jews stopped following Jesus himself at certain points in his ministry. And the student shouldn’t expect to be treated differently than the teacher.

I am thankful that there are other churches in our area which are working out better for them, where they are now attending. I think I’ll keep them on my email list, too. Maybe they’ll read my emails. Maybe they’ll block me. Either way is OK.

Posted in Rant

Your church wedding

Posted on by William Douthwaite
I had two weddings this past weekend — one on Saturday, one on Sunday. For most pastors, weddings are not in the top ten list of things we like to do. Why?Well, let me count the ways.

My thoughts here are about those things a couple should expect when they come to the pastor and say, “We’d like to get married at the church.” (The following items are based on 24 years of experience in the parish, somewhere between 150 and 200 weddings, and a Lutheran bias when it come to worship and ministry.)

  • A wedding in the church is a worship service, including an invocation, scripture readings, a sermon, prayers and a benediction. We worship the one true God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. While you may have always envisioned your wedding beginning with “Here comes the bride” (the Bridal Chorus) and ending with “There goes the bride” (i.e. the Wedding March), you can do so much better than that! There are so many powerful hymns you can choose from that truly honor the God before whom you will take your vows. Give them a chance.
  • We preach the word. We proclaim Christ crucified. When you pick your scriptures for the wedding, why not look beyond 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? Those overused verses about “love” weren’t written about marriage at all. The apostle Paul wrote them to a church divided about who had better teachers and abilities. Why not consider some passages important to you? Like a confirmation verse, or one that helped you grow in your faith. Let the pastor suggest some passages that speak to you and your relationship. You’ll get a much better message that way.
  • Just because it’s “your day” doesn’t mean you get to do anything you want. Remember, when  you step into the church, it’s really not about you, but about God. If you have some really unique (read “bizarre”) things you’d like to do for your wedding, don’t plan a church wedding. Have your ceremony on the beach, in your home, in a backyard or a museum.
  • I probably won’t attend your rehearsal dinner or reception. Why? Unless you are an active member of our congregation, I probably won’t know many people there and it’s not that much fun sitting off in the corner by yourself. Need a prayer before the meal. I’ll gladly write one for someone else to say.
  • Try to  show up on time for both the rehearsal and ceremony. Besides myself, many people have set aside some time to witness your vows and celebrate with you. Unexpected things always come up, but if you arrive a little early, it relieves some of the stress of that day.

In the early days of my ministry, I was honored when someone asked me to do their wedding. I soon grew to dread it when I learned I was basically just being hired to preform a service, along with the photographer and florist. In the past few years, however, I have begun to enjoy it again as I have worked with a number of young couples who had a marvelous faith and relationship with the Lord. I am grateful to them for helping me rediscover some of the joy of performing a wedding ceremony.

Posted in Ministry

How to survive a lousy Sunday

Posted on by William Douthwaite
By a lousy Sunday, I mean a dramatic drop in attendance. This year we’ve been averaging about 275 in worship each Sunday, but this past week, only counted 175 in attendance. Worst turnout since June of 2006. As unsanctified as it sounds, pastors tend to obsess about such things. If we’re not careful, it becomes personal, as if the numbers were a direct reflection of our performance.

Reasons for the anomaly? Plenty to be sure. First of all, it is the middle of the summer. Even I was among those absent, having left town to take the high school youth group to the national youth gathering in New Orleans. There’s always someone sick or tired. Or entertaining guests. Cars that won’t start. Mental health days. Malfunctioning alarm clocks. Hangovers. Perhaps an information leak that the elders were leading the worship service and there wouldn’t be any communion that day.

I guess if I can embrace the ridiculously high attendance figures on Easter Sunday, I should accept the dips, too. An even better idea is to stop counting. Then it wouldn’t be an issue, would it? Until someone asks for an average attendance reports. Or wants to know how many worship folders to print.

Worst worship attendance ever: when all of Jesus’ disciples ran and left him alone. His passion was the highlight of his message and no one showed. But it was still effective. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

From now on, when someone asks me how big our church is, or how many come to worship, I’m going to say, “I’m not sure; how many do you think there are?” I’ll just let someone else worry about it.

Posted in Life

Happy Birthday, Bill

Posted on by William Douthwaite
This seems like a good day to reflect on my 53 years of being around on the earth. At first, it’s about the numbers. Married 26 years. Three kids. 24 years in the ministry. 14 years in Florida. 35th high school reunion later on this year. Milestones that are significant.

As I’ve often written before, though, I certainly don’t feel like I’m in my fifties. How old do I feel? In many ways, like I’m still in my twenties. I think that’s because I am still doing many of the things I did then. Running. Trumpet. Church. Kids. My size and weight are pretty much the same as then. Ok, I know, my hair is much grayer, but apart from that, I feel much younger than my years announce.

But life was very different when I was in my twenties. No blogs. Few had personal computers. Cell phones? Nope. Social media. No. Now, however, everything about me and everyone I know is out there for the world to see. Experiences, pictures and opinions — they’re all there. Life has become a very shared experience. I received at least 100 birthday greetings today, many from people I haven’t actually talked to in decades. Some of whom I barely remember from my childhood. So my party each year gets bigger and bigger. And all without one invitation!

Seriously, though, 53 doesn’t feel too bad. I can still keep up with most of the church’s youth group. I can still remember most off the things I need to recall. I enjoy my work. And I love my wife and family. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Posted in Life, Ministry

LCMS National Youth Gathering part 4

Posted on by William Douthwaite
On Tuesday night, we had pizza in our hotel for supper, then headed out to the Superdome for the evening mass event, which was a worship service with Holy Communion. We sat in the upper deck. The event was an interesting mix of contemporary and traditional, praise songs and liturgy, drama and preaching. For me, the most impressive part was the youth choir and band. What voices! What a sound! What a talented group of young people!

Wednesday was our last day of the gathering. We loaded up and the van and drove up to the Superdome, parking nearby for a quick getaway. The final mass gathering included different colored “boom sticks” that made different notes and provided endless entertainment for us. Heading out about 11:30 am, we got home about 12:30 am Thursday morning. Thankfully no traffic, and a nice supper in Tallahassee (much to Adam-nole’s delight).

It was on the ride home that I saw the group bond the best of all the days. Lots of conversation, laughter, sharing, and support. Guys who had been pretty quiet for days were suddenly conversant. It took that long for our group to really come together. And then it was over.

Cleaning out the van was disgusting. Food, drink, bottles, gum, candy, money (I kept it), playing cards, electronics, books, and food wrappers covered the floor. Ew.

The best part of the gathering: spending extended time together with the youth. Talking with them, learning from them, watching them interact was an opportunity to see their personalities and faith.

The worst part of the gathering: the crowds. In the dome, in the restaurants, on the sidewalks, just so many, many people. Yes, I expected it, but so much time was spend negotiating a sea of people. Sometimes bigger isn’t better.

Overall impression of the gathering: what an effort by so many people who gave so much of their time and energy! From parents who came along to those who worked the booths to those who made sure we crossed intersections safely, a lot of adults care deeply about the next generation of believers. What would Jesus have though of it? I believe he would have loved spending time with the people, both young and old, who came and served and made a difference in New Orleans.

Posted in Life, Ministry

LCMS Youth Gathering part 3

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Monday at the gathering was our late start day: we didn’t have to be at bible study until 10:30. Some of us made the trek to the French Quarter to get some beignets at Cafe Du Mond. After a good study of John 4, most of us had lunch at the hotel which was OK but nothing special.

The group I hung out with then went to a couple of breakout sessions. One was called “Questions you can’t ask your Mama” (sexuality). The other was about how to help a friend who gets pregnant. Both were good speakers. After supper at a restaurant not too far from the hotel we hustled to the Superdome and just missed Megan on stage talking about Hong Kong. But she was able to save us seats in row 4 on the floor. It’s fun to be up close one night.

Our Tuesday began with our servant event. We took buses to the ninth ward and painted a house and cut a lot of brush from some vacant lots.

The gentleman whose house we painted had lived in the house since 1973. He was just getting done making repairs from Katrina. He left before the hurricane, but it took him 10 hours to go 100 miles. I don’t think they came home for about 6 months. A lot of houses were still in disrepair and vacant.

On the bus there, a couple sitting in front of me said, “You look familiar.” I played trumpet for their wedding 20 years ago in New Britain, CT. Unfortunately, I don’t remember that event, but we had a great conversation about friends from New England.

When we got back we grabbed some lunch and got to two afternoon sessions. One was a band called Ives. The other was about telling your story.

Tonight is the mass gathering divine service with holy communion. They’ve promised it will be awesome.

Posted in Life, Ministry

LCMS Youth Gathering day 2

Posted on by William Douthwaite

First thing this morning was a pretty good Bible study on John 9. Only about 4,000 people there.

After that we went to all the booths in the exhibition hall. From what I can tell, every district, ministry, and university in the LCMS is here. Lots and lots of free stuff!

We then went to see Megan’s Hong Kong presentation. Fairly well attended. They did a very good job.

Subway sounded good for lunch. 90 minutes later we were eating, lines for everything!

We went to a Lost and Found concert and got to sit up front on the floor. Funny and entertaining. Lots of the kids got T-shirts.

Supper at Huck Finn’s. Then off to the mass gathering at the Dome. We sat pretty far up top. Great music and presentations tonight. But the walk back seemed longer. Everyone’s pretty tired tonight.

Posted in Life, Ministry

LCMS National Youth Gathering part 1

Posted on by William Douthwaite

After about 10 hours of driving yesterday in a van and a car, our group (13 youth, 3 adults) arrived in New Orleans for the national youth gathering. Pretty easy trip, little traffic, just long.

It took me a while to find a place to park the monster van. I found a lot about 5 blocks from our hotel. Praying it’s still there in a few days.

We then had a little free time. Most wanted to go swimming, but changed their minds when they saw how small the pool was. So while Adam and Gail went to some orientation meetings, I and the youth split up and found something to eat nearby.

We then hiked up to the Superdome, about a mile away. Huge crowds were waiting to get in. We sat on the floor this time. Great band, good, familiar songs, impressive multimedia and good presenters. The theme is “We believe.”

We then hiked back to our hotel, ate some pizza, and crashed.

Sunday morning came quickly. Chris, Thomas and I got up at 5:30 for the gathering 5k run. The organizers were anything but. Finally they gave up on registering and just started the race. Thomas ran about 20:00, me about 25 and Chris about 28.

We are supposed to meet in about 5 min. More later.