Category: Life

Posted in children, joy, Life

At the kid’s table, again

Posted on by William Douthwaite

kids-1I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but once again I found myself at the kids table.

After the wedding rehearsal, the family invited me to join them for dinner at the Portuguese American Cultural Center for supper. Even though I was the last to leave after locking up the church, I was one of the first to arrive there. Within fifteen minutes or so, more of the family trickled in, and it wasn’t long before I found myself watching a young men, Junior (age 4) and his cousin (age 6), play some games on an iPad. We were joined by two young ladies, Ina (age 4) an Layla (age 9), who were each absorbed in a book. When I asked what they were reading, they eagerly shared with me the highlights of their Captain Underpants books. As I sat to listen, we were invited to the buffet, and just like that, I found myself eating with the kids.

If you know me at all, you’ll know I was in my element, and soon we were comparing notes as to what is actually inside a clam, debating how much salt to sprinkle on a piece of bread (correct answer: none), and clinking out glasses so we could watch the soon-to-be married couple kiss. Dessert was even better as some delicious homemade chocolate mousse was quickly dubbed “moose poo.”

They couldn’t quite get the knack of rubbing a finger along the rim of a glass to fill the room with a high-pitched note. They did find and consume most of the chocolate covered strawberries. And the imitation rose petals decorating the tables were great for practicing for the big day tomorrow.

I got to meet a lot of nice family and friends of both the bride and groom, but I enjoyed the kids the best. Bonus moment: when ten-month old Clifford gave me a big, mostly toothless smile!

Posted in Life

One for the road

Posted on by William Douthwaite

37581614450_67a10e6b47_o (1)“I swear, that is the last time I’m letting you go in the store. I mean, how hard is it to pick up a half-gallon of skim milk?”

Neither one spoke a word till they were almost home. But she just couldn’t do it. Even though it was under her breath, she just had to say it, “You are so stupid.”

Reaching into the back seat, he grabbed the plastic shopping bag with the milk and rolled down his window.

“Now what are you doing?”

Without a word, he simply flung the jug out the window onto the street.

Why else would a jug of milk be lying on the side of a busy street? 

 

Posted in joy, Life, listening

A spontaneous smile

Posted on by William Douthwaite
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Yeah, these guys make me smile, too. Photo by Jennifer Pallian on Unsplash

It was right in the middle of a song on Sunday morning. The praise team was smaller than usual, just a couple of voices, but they produced a moment that still echoes in my mind. I don’t remember what the song was, but at one moment, when the two voices –one male, one female — harmonized, it lifted my heart, brought a spontaneous smile to my face, and made me stop and marvel at the beauty of that moment.

Eight days later, I am still thinking about that moment. There was another such moment this morning when, as turned the corner on my way to work and the pre-sunrise colors in the sky took my breath away and made me smile. In the dim morning light, my phone’s camera just wouldn’t capture the colors to preserve that moment, so I can’t even share it with you. Or when I got back home tonight and my two-year-old grandson saw me and shouted, “You came back!” How could I not smile at that?

I am grateful that God sprinkles these little moments into my day from time to time. Sometimes you smile because you have to. Or because you don’t want to cry. But sometimes you just can’t help it.

Posted in grandparenting, Life

Toddlers, tortellini, and toys

Posted on by William Douthwaite

The other night, I go to hang out with all three of my grandkids for a few hours. Their parents headed out to see the lights in St. Augustine, my wife had a meeting, and they wondered, “Can you watch them for a few hours?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I replied, “Yes!” I don’t get that kind of opportunity very often.

At ages one, two, and three, they really don’t play together. For the first half-an-hour or so, each wanted to play with what another had, but eventually they settled down with their own. After a bit, time for some music. I got out my guitar to sing songs, but no one really wanted to sing with me. Instead, they wanted to run laps around the living room, chasing or running from me as I played. Then it’s time for food.

IMG_8147Tortellini (with “dip”), strawberries and green beans were a hit, everyone wanting seconds. Once supper is over, a few episodes of Paw Patrol kept them quiet for a moment as I cleaned up supper.

My wife was the first adult human to return home, amused and perhaps a bit dismayed at the number of toys strewn around the house. Cars, pretend food, zoo animals, farm animals, action figures, balls, flashlights, a doll house, trains, pretend ice cream cones, kid-friendly power tools, books, lab coats and medical equipment, dinosaurs and a pretend Keurig are all needed to keep everyone busy for a while. Yep, we used them all! (Side note: it doesn’t take three to get and leave out all the toys. One can do the job just as well!)

As a grandparent, I relish these moments not only because they are fun and fill me with joy, but because I know they are rare. As a parent, you feel like you’ve got a lot of time to spend with your kids as eighteen-plus years stretches out in front of you. But as a grandparent, you know those years will fly, so you savor those moments when you have them.

 

Posted in Christmas, family, lessons, Life

What do the holidays do to you?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

denise-johnson-426641As I was browsing through some stories and articles on Medium, I ran across this curious statement: “The holidays do things to some people.” So I began to wonder, “What kinds of things?” Not necessarily bad things. Hopefully good things, too.

The holidays make some people very generous. They give a lot to those whom they love as well as to strangers and causes of every size and shape. That’s a good thing, right?

The holidays make some some very family conscious. There is an underlying expectation that family will gather to celebrate, making it necessary to get time off, plan travel, pack and head out with zillions of other people to make the journey “home.” That’s good, right? Pretty much, unless you’ve neglected that dimension of your life for the past year, making it feel like you’re in an awkward roomful of strangers who don’t know each other very well.

The holidays are a whole bucket full of stress for some. That’s probably not a good thing. Folks become more and more snippy as the season unfolds. Too much to do, not enough time, and unrealistic expectations sap tidings of comfort and joy from their lives.

The holidays drive some to excess. It’s so easy to spend too much, drink too much, schedule too much, and eat too much. Probably not good.

The holidays sometimes prompts you to reflect on your life, the year past, your relationships, and the stuff you have. Such reflection can generate gratitude, make you dream, help you set goals, and maybe try something new. That one sounds good to me.

What do the holidays do to you?

Posted in Life, Ministry, work

Cuttin’ the lawn for Christmas

Posted on by William Douthwaite

img_8001.jpgI’ve lived in Florida for over twenty-one years and it still blows my mind that one of the things on my Christmas to-do list is “cut the lawn.” Granted, the days are a bit shorter, so the grass grows a little slower and I only have to cut and trim once a month or so. But for a guy who grew up in the northeast, it feels really strange to on sunblock and a hat, and do yard work in shorts and T-shirt just two days on Christmas Eve eve!

On the flip side, I enjoy the hour I spend cutting and trimming. (I like it better than bundling up to shovel snow.) Even though it is yard “work” there is something very relaxing about the sound of the mower, the smell of the freshly cut grass, the fresh air and the pattern of neatly cut rows. Today was especially nice: blue skies, just a few wispy clouds, 70 degrees with lower humidity, and just a hint of a breeze. No interruptions, no phone calls, songs going through my head, a bumper crop  of pine cones to pick up and toss into the woods, and the satisfaction of a completed task.

That last benefit is rare. Oh, I complete a lot of tasks, but rarely get to see the results. The “results” ministry are matters of the heart and soul, both of which I can’t see. The rewards are often eternal rather than temporal. I don’t get to see what happens after you go home from church, or I leave after a visit, so I don’t have a concrete metric for ministry. I’m OK with that. As Paul reminds us, we plant and water, but God causes the growth. Someone else somewhere down the road may harvest what I plant today. There may not be fruit for generations, long after I’m gone. That’s all in God’s hands.

But I can cut the lawn. I can care for the little “yarden” God has given me. And I can sit back and enjoy a little sabbath when it’s all done. Amen!

Posted in dying, Life

I unfriended twelve people today.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

AAEAAQAAAAAAAAp-AAAAJDUzYTY4ZjE1LThlNDQtNDM2MC04ODg1LTZkYWQ5YjkxOWRmMwThey were all dead.

I noticed that I had almost nine hundred friends on Facebook. I know many have more than that. I also know that I don’t follow the lives of that many people. I probably see the updates of about ten percent. On a whim, I decided to scroll through all those I counted as my “friends.”

Some I didn’t even know. <unfriend> Some people showed up three or four times. Restarts or hacks. <unfriend> But then, someone came up who died last year. Another from a few years ago. Twelve deceased among my “friends.” <unfriend>

A few thoughts about that:

  • When you die, your online self lives on. It’s kind of like eternal life, but not really. I’ll bet when you die, a lot of folks don’t even know you’re gone. They still send you birthday greetings.
  • Some of the deceased were actually better friends than those still alive. I’ve stopped following more than a few living friends because I couldn’t stand to see what they posted, they never posted, or they posted too many times a day.
  • In a strange, macabre way, I wish my dead friends could post something. Wouldn’t that be awesome. Tell me a little about heaven. Or hell.
  • I’ll bet you can create a bot that will post for you after you die, so that most don’t even know you are gone. The bot will create status updates, share photos, and send birthday greetings. You could be immortal if you planned it right.
  • Or, I could begin my posts with the caveat that I am dead, and communicating from heaven (or hell). Some people would believe it. And that would be awesome. Y’all want to hear from the beyond. I’d be happy to oblige.

Hey, you don’t even know if this is me or a bot. Mind-bending, isn’t it? Good name for a blog: “Blogging from the beyond.”

 

 

 

 

Posted in Life, minimalism, productivity

Just drinking coffee. Period.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

IMG_7949A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in Starbucks, in between appointment, drinking coffee and scrolling through some Reddit stuff when — get this — this guy came in, sat down, and did nothing else other than enjoy his coffee. That’s right, no phone, no book, no tablet, no computer, no friend to talk to, nothing. He just sat there and sipped his venti whatever. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen someone do that before. There were plenty of other people there, some like me focused on a smartphone screen. A few were engrossed in their laptops. A couple of friends were talking.

I began wondering, “Would Starbucks even exist if we didn’t have our electronics to amuse us and their wifi to connect us as we drank lattes and ate scones?”

You do it and I do it. Whenever we sit down – in the car, in church, in the bathroom, watching TV, at concerts, at work, in a restaurant, at the pool, at the gym, stripped naked waiting for the doctor to come in – we pull out a phone to find out what’s going on. I’m sure sociologists and psychologists have a field day with this behavior.

I think I may have seen another guy do this at a bar. He was just sitting there drinking a beer. He wasn’t doing anything else.

I might have to try this. I’ll let you know what happens.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in God, Life

Too many emotions

Posted on by William Douthwaite
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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Here we are, just nine days away from Christmas, and I am conducting a funeral tomorrow afternoon. I know, death doesn’t take a holiday. Anything can happen around the most festive days of the year as well as those which seem quite ordinary. There really isn’t a “good” day for a funeral, is there?

But when it happens near a significant holiday, there is a challenging dynamic. It’s already an emotional time of the year, filled with excitement, memories, expectations, travel and celebration. Add to that a few tablespoons of grief, a few ounces of sadness, a pinch of fear, and a large measure of mortality, and you’ve got quite a stew of feelings to deal with.

It’s like too many emotions at once. Why can’t we deal with just one at a time? We could grieve today, then put that aside to consider our mortality, and when that’s over, spend time with family for support and comfort. It never works out that way. You have to handle all the feelings at once, from the tears of missing someone, to the joy of having family together, to the guilt of not having said or done more, to the memories stories that create laughter. You cry, compose yourself, laugh and find some comfort, only to feel the tears well up once again. You think, “I should be able to handle this,” and “I just can’t handle this” simultaneously. You’re a mess.

You know what? God created that mess. He made you. With emotions. And they aren’t a bad thing. When Jesus was born, he came with a whole set of emotions. Since he was the sinless Son of God, emotions can’t be a bad thing. They are just part of the package of being a person. Of being you. Jesus cried, grieved, felt compassion (felt like a punch in the gut), anger, despair, frustration, joy, loneliness, peace, love, amazement, and probably a whole lot more. And we like the fact that he was emotional. We can relate to that.

So it’s OK to be an emotional mess. At a funeral, at Christmas, on your birthday or on Tuesday. It’s just part of being you, someone wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of God, who by the way, is very emotional in the Old Testament as well as in the gospels. He’s jealous of you, laughs at those who challenge him, grieves over sin, gets angry at times, but loves his people to the end. What? God’s an emotional mess? Thank God!