Posted in Connecticut, Life, Ministry, neighbor

A place to stay

knock“You are a priest, so you have to give me a place to stay.”

Those were the first words out of the woman’s mouth when I answered the door one evening just before dark and found her standing on our front step. We had only been at my first parish for a year to two. Even in the rolling rural hills of eastern Connecticut, a variety of people quickly found out that we lived in the parsonage next door to the church. So we got the usual procession of people looking for food or gas money, but till now never a demand for housing.

Inge introduced herself with a thick Swedish accent. She hadn’t been in America very long, found herself abused and estranged from her husband, and had nowhere to go. I think at some point we actually met her husband, but there wasn’t going to be any reconciliation. She was also Lutheran, actually a pastor of some sort herself. We were a combination of naive, compassionate, and new at this, and we had a huge house full of rooms we weren’t using, so we took her in. Our family was small, just my wife and I and our infant son — and now a boarder.

She didn’t bring much with her. Inge had little money, just a few items of clothing and personal items in a small suitcase. Her habits were a little different than ours. She liked eating bread slathered with mayonnaise and tomato sauce. On many a pasta night we found ourselves with no sauce. She also like to make sweet rolls with lots and lots and lots of butter. I seem to remember that she showered and shaved only occasionally, taking more of a continental approach to hygiene.

Inge found a job at some kind of small manufacturing company in our town, one she could walk to. She did attend worship and bible class when she didn’t have to work. She used some of her income to buy things like a VHS player, which she wanted to take back to Sweden with her. Since she was “buying American” for the moment, we saw a glaring flaw in her plan. She wasn’t actually saving anymoney to go back home.

After a few months, we decided we would help her out. She didn’t have a bank account, so we cashed her paychecks for her, withholding some and saving up for a flight back to Sweden. Within a month, we had enough for the trip. I purchased a ticket, drove her to La Guardia, and dropped her off. I don’t think we ever heard from her again.

I have helped a lot of people in a lot of different ways over the years. This was the only time we actually took someone in. It’s been a memory-stretcher to recall this story. I wasn’t journaling my life then as I do now. I definitely remember it being a less fearful and more innocent time, before the Persian Gulf conflicts, 9/11, Internet, wifi, and smart phones.

I’m not sure we would do this again. Were we foolish or faithful? Hard to say. Following Christ seems to be a mixture of both sometimes.

 

Posted in dying, Life, Ministry

You need to hear it again.

silvestri-matteo-176500The call came pretty late last night, about 10:45. I was driving, and felt my phone buzz in my pocked, but didn’t listen to the message until after I got home. “She said she thinks he’s dying.” I only live about a mile away and I didn’t want them to be alone, so I headed over to the apartment.

When I arrived, it was and it wasn’t what I expected. I’ve been with many people in hospice care for the last days and hours of their lives. I’m familiar with the shallow, irregular, rattling breathing. I just didn’t think it would happen this soon. Just hours earlier, he had been awake, conversant, signing his own documents and deciding to come home from the hospital. Hospice hadn’t even been to the house yet, and it looked like he’d be gone before they even arrived. He wasn’t conscious, but he also didn’t seem uncomfortable, which was a blessing.

A few more people arrived. All we could do was wait. Wait for a call back from hospice. Wait and wonder whether it was a wise choice to come home. Wait and pray, commending him to the Lord’s care.

With her encouragement, we left about 12:30 pm. She knew who to call if anything got out of hand. When I called back this morning, I learned he had died about an hour after we all left. Her words to me on the phone were, “I know he’s with the Lord. I just hope God accepts him.”

Without hesitation, I replied, “I have no doubt! He had faith in Christ. We just talked about that the other day when I brought him communion, He was forgiven. You don’t have to worry about that at all.”

“Thank you so much. That’s just what I needed to hear.”

If you know me at all, you know I talk about that all the time. Maybe when you’re sitting there on a Sunday and life is pretty good and you don’t have too many worries, it doesn’t register. But when the breathing stops, you feel all alone, and reality kicks in, it suddenly becomes an issue. So, you need to hear it again. If I can, I’ll be there to make sure you do.

Lately it seems like I’ve been spending a lot of time with people who get hit with stuff over and over again. What do you do for someone when the cancer keeps coming back? Or the headaches? Or the strokes? Or the flooding? I’m humbled knowing I don’t have a whole lot of answers. But I get to bring Christ, and he gives more than we ask or imagine.

Posted in aging, church, Life, Ministry

“I don’t want to be too far from church.”

cassie-boca-290902
Photo by Cassie Boca on Unsplash

Over the past few weeks I’ve been spending time with families who are making some big decisions about their living situation. For a variety of reasons, they may not be able to continue living in their homes and are exploring other options, from moving in with family to assisted living and long term care. This can never be an easy decision to make. For some, the decision is being made for them by family who are taking a greater role in caring for them. For others, the handwriting is on the wall, and they know that hour is coming.

A common theme in our discussions is church. One of their concerns is not wanting to lose access to their church family, involvement and worship. Among the many financial, health and transportation issues that must be addressed, their faith life rose to the top, like cream atop the milk. Continue reading ““I don’t want to be too far from church.””

Posted in Life, listening, Ministry

A week on the phone

rohit-tandon-105772
Photo by Rohit Tandon on Unsplash

I just spent a week without (and greatly appreciating!) my office manager and assistant. She took a well deserved vacation with her husband, and will be back tomorrow. (God is good — all the time!)

That meant that I couldn’t just ignore the phone when it rang last week. If you called, that was my voice who answered, “Shepherd of the Coast Lutheran Church — this is Pastor Douthwaite.” Here are some of the responses I heard last week:

“Oh. <long pause> Nicole must not be there.”
In a thick Indian accent: “Thank you very much.” Click <hang up>
“Call this number immediately, or you will face arrest and imprisonment by the IRS for tax evasion…”
“Oh, hi Pastor. Are you going to be in the office today?” <seriously?>
“Do you have chronic back pain…?”
“Congratulations, you have just won…” Click. <I hung up.>
“Oh, hi. You’re just the person I need to talk to.”
“Hi, I’m from the Best-Ever-Media company. We’d like to send you a 37 volume DVD series to inspire your youth to more vibrant faith…” Click. <I hung up.>
“I sent you an email. Did you get it?”
“Stay on the line for important information about…” Click. <I hung up.>
“Hi. I scheduled a meeting, but don’t know if any space is available.”
“I saw you have a food pantry today.” Me: “No, I’m sorry, that’s the church next door.”

I never know what the voice on the other end is going to say. However, it just amazes me that 90% of the phone calls we receive are irrelevant to our ministry. So for a couple of hundred bucks a month, we maintain phone lines for no good reason at all!

I cut off our landline about five years ago. Neither my wife or I were making any outgoing calls. All of the inbound calls were telemarketers, surveys, robocalls and wrong numbers. The provider representative I talked with couldn’t understand why I wanted to disconnect.

I wonder if God gets any prayers like this…

Posted in Life

I never had to register.

selective-service-form-1Just about every week, I speak to someone who has served our nation in the military. Some were career. Some enlisted. Some were drafted. Some were deployed. Some served stateside. I have listened with great interest to those who fought in World War II, Korea, Viet Nam, and the Gulf wars. It is a life and a world I’ve never experienced.

In 1975, as my eighteenth birthday approached, I was under the impression that I still had to register with the selective service. Even though there had been no draft lottery since 1972, there was still registration. Up until March 29, 1975, when President Ford ended registration.

I remember calling information and asking for a number to call, to find out what I needed to do to register. The man who answered told me that they were in the process of packing up and cleaning out the office. There was no more registration.

Registration would resume a few years later, but I fell into a narrow window of time — those born between March 29, 1957 and December 31, 1959 — who were exempt from Selective Service registration. At one point during my senior year in high school, I had entertained the idea of pursing an appointment to the Air Force Academy. But my eyesight was poor enough that I wouldn’t qualify to fly, so I pursued other college options.

Our church’s ministry to veterans and their families has given me the chance to meet and talk with many who have served in many different ways. From infantry to pilots to helmsmen to electronics specialists to gunners to intelligence to chaplaincy to accounting to medical corps, they all have stories to tell. And some they do not tell. Some have killed. Some have lost friends and family. Some suffered physical or mental injury. Others were discharged unharmed.

I sometimes wonder how my life would be different had I been drafted or enlisted. What would I have learned? What would I have experienced? Would I have good memories? Or nightmares?

My father was in the Army Air Corps from 1943-45. He flew with a B-17 rescue team in the South Pacific. I recently asked him how many rescues he was a part of. He said, “None.” They never actually had to rescue anyone. With the dropping of two atomic bombs the war came to an end before he experienced combat. My dad wrote down a very detailed record of every place he went while he was in the service. I have able to find them all using Google Maps. Some of the places were nothing more than atolls in the middle of a very large ocean, where makeshift airstrips had been constructed.

Many of the youth I’ve worked with enlisted for military service upon graduating from high school. A few of our current youth are hopefully waiting for an appointment to a military academy. We pray for them by name each and every week. We know there is no guarantee of a safe return. But we are very grateful for their service.

Posted in Life, questions, waiting

A long, long line

img_7631.jpg“Hey honey, what do you want to do this afternoon?”

“I don’t know. The house is clean, lawn’s cut, dog bathed, laundry’s done, bills paid, supper’s in the crock pot. Not much going on around here. Let’s go wait in the car rider line at school for a couple of hours.”

Said no one ever. Except, apparently, in our community. Elementary school dismisses at 3:30 pm. The first cars arrive to get in line to pick up their kids at about 2:15 pm. By 2:45, there are fifty cars in line, on the south side, on the north side and on the east side of the school. I can’t even imagine how long the line is at 3, never mind 3:30 when the fist child walks out the door. No matter what you do, you’re in for a long wait, on a hot afternoon, with the car and AC running all that time.

My math brain wonders what the optimal arrival time is. It’s probably not the first to arrive, nor the last. There must be a sweet spot where you aren’t too far back and don’t have to arrive absurdly early. If I had to do that, I would hack that system to find the arrival time that actually made for the shortest wait time.

However, I would last about one day in that line before I started screaming and tearing my hair out. Our sweet spot was to let our kids ride the bus and for us it worked out well. That plus a little bit of extended day made mornings and afternoons easier. Those might not be the best choices for some, but I’m amazed how many have the free time and the patience to sit that long in the car rider line!

I won’t even talk about walking to school, because then I’ll start to sound really old…

But I will wonder out loud, “What’s the longest line I’ve ever waited in?” Interesting question. Airport? It felt longer but probably wasn’t more than an hour to check in or go through security. Disney? Probably 90 minutes for a ride. International immigration? I think I did a few 2 hour waits for a visa and passport stamp. 

But those were isolated incidents. It would be tough to do that every day.

Posted in Life

7:22

img_7547.jpgA few months ago, I realized that almost everyday, I glance at a clock at exactly 7:22. Sometimes it’s am. Sometimes pm. It might be my watch, the clock in the car, the microwave in the kitchen, the cable box under the TV, to the lock screen on my phone. On a daily basis my eyes see the digits 7-2-2. By the way, that’s my birthday, July 22.

A coincidence? Maybe. A sign? I don’t know. Some inner prompting? Beats me. A little weird? Absolutely. A number to play? I haven’t tried.

At first it was, “Whoa.” Then, “Again?” Sometimes I wonder, “Does that happen to anyone else?” Mostly I just chuckle. Tonight, I’m trying to imagine some significance.

Maybe it will be a code I need someday to unlock a briefcase filled with cash.

Maybe it’s a message from the future, from another dimension, or from a parallel universe.

Maybe it’s a flight number. A locker number. A key number. A hotel room number. A parking space number. A cable channel. A radio frequency.

When I see it, I now consciously think, “Hey, I’m alive!” I never want to take that for granted. Life is too much of a miracle. Other times, I’ll just whisper a little “thank you.”

 

 

Posted in Life, Ministry

“I didn’t know that.”

At asuhyeon-choi-184102 recent regional pastor’s conference, the guest speaker, Mark Wood, made me aware of a segment of the population who identify as Christian, but know little if anything about the faith.

Mark shared a story of an airplane conversation with someone who identified as a Christian, but was surprised and even shocked by what Jesus had to say on a number of issues. Someone had witnessed to them, they said a prayer that asked Jesus to be their Savior, but that was it. They weren’t baptized, didn’t go to church, and were functionally biblically illiterate.

I’ll bet they aren’t alone. I’ll bet there are plenty of people attending church who know little of what God says in His Word. In fact, I’ll bet a good percentage of the church fits this profile.

I’m glad they’re saved. But there is so much more! Not only do we have something to look forward to in the next life, but we’ve been transformed to live new lives now. Lives of mercy, forgiveness, and truth.

Wouldn’t that be different than some of the usual suspicion, fear and lies that fill our news and conversation?

How’s your biblical literacy? More importantly, what are you going to do about it?

Posted in Life, listening, Ministry

“I’m sorry; I have to go.”

Meeting_Pet_PeevesWhen my office administrator reminded me of an appointment the other day, she added, “We need to arrange an interruption. The last time they were here visiting for ninety minutes!” And so we did.

I’m sure I’m not the first to pre-arrange a meeting ending strategy, but it’s a more recent tool I’ve used to gracefully bring to an end open-ended visits. Early on, I didn’t use this, because I wanted to be available, compassionate, caring and pastoral. With practice, I learned to be all those things, but I also learned that I had my limits.

Some who seek time with me, however, apparently have all the time in the world. A few are lonely and crave human conversation. Others weave a tangled web of woes that seamlessly connect leaving me with no opportunity to interject a thought or conclude the meeting. It reminds me of the stories I have heard from doctors and nurse practitioners of those patients who come in with not one, not five, but dozens of ailments they would like addressed, as if there was no one else in the world, much less crowding the waiting room.

Bottom line: I don’t always have time for that. Solution: schedule an interruption. Before the appointment, I tell my assistant to interrupt me with a legitimate and pressing concern at a particular time. When they do, I have a polite way to bring the time to a close and see my guest on their way. Most recently, I set an alarm on my phone in my pocket. It vibrated at a certain time, signaling to me that it was time to excuse myself to attend to another ministry I had arranged. Worked like a charm.

Here’s the fun part. Now that you the reader know that I do this, you will always be wondering if I have an interruption arranged whenever you stop by to talk to me. Because I’m not telling.