Posted in church, Grace, Rant

Keep your stuff. Please.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

0006294200035_00It must have been the creaking sound that got my attention. What is that noise? It seemed to be coming from the freezer in the church kitchen. Freezers don’t usually make a lot of noise. Unless someone is trapped in there. Overly cautious, I slowly opened the door and peeked inside.

Perched on the top shelf is a three-gallon bucket of maple walnut ice cream with no lid. It was surrounded by several bags of ice that had been permanently joined together in a moment of melting. Their combined weight strained the top shelf like a bar on the back of a weightlifter squatting who-knows-how-many pounds.squat

But that’s not all. On the shelves beneath were ancient hot dog buns, vintage popsicles, and something orange left over from what I am sure was a fabulous supper. Nice. By the grace of God, it was all disposed of before the health department caught wind of the situation.

There is, as everyone knows, an unwritten rule that anything you don’t want or need — animal, vegetable or mineral — may be dropped off at the church. Common items include books (including many, many bibles), old computers, printers and monitors (working or non-working), TVs, walkers, crutches and commodes, out-dated food, pianos and electric keyboards, broken toys and dried up pens and markers.

To this collection we add other items unintentionally left at church: umbrellas, jewelry, keys (how did you drive home?), clothing (did you go home naked?), water bottles, sweaters and sweatshirts, and every imaginable variety of Tupperware.

I appreciate you thinking of us. But I need to tell you: we just reduced the size of our dumpster. So we don’t have the same disposal capacity we used to. I apologize for the inconvenience, but you might just have to put your stuff out on the curb yourself.

 

Posted in listening, Ministry, Rant

You might have all the answers, but you don’t hold the office.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

talkingYesterday, I had the privilege of attending and speaking at an awards ceremony for a long time friend and member of the congregation. After the formal part of the ceremony, the other guests and I gathered for a meal. I had a chance to sit with the other guest speaker for the occasion, the mayor or our city. I looked forward to talking with her and hearing about her first year in office.

However the gentleman sitting to the other side of her hijacked the conversation. I listened carefully as he held forth on many of his own experiences and opinions on the future of our city. I was impressed with the mayor’s capacity to sit and patiently listen to his expertise in economics, civics, politics, and local government. As I sat there, I realized that her job and mine aren’t much different in that respect. We both attract volumes of advice from those who have all the answers, but don’t hold the office.

It is no different from fans who know exactly what the coach and quarterback should be doing, but aren’t on the field. Or those who have much to say about managers and pitchers, but they aren’t on the roster. Or for that matter, those who complain about their doctors and nurses, but have not studied and have never practiced medicine.

I am not immune to this nor am I above this. I need to be careful before I jump all over someone who works a physically demanding fifty to sixty hours a week and doesn’t make it to church. I need to remember the challenges of raising a bunch of kids, any one of whom may be sick on a given weekend. I don’t really now what it’s like to be a deputy walking up to knock on someone’s door, not knowing who or what is on the other side. And I certainly don’t know what it’s like to have the responsibility of governing a local community or in our nation’s capital.

Similarly, you may know exactly what the church (or the pastor) needs to do. And you may be one hundred percent correct. But keep in mind that you don’t hold the office. You’re not the one keeping watch over a flock. You’re not the one who knows too well the dark underside of those who seem just fine on a Sunday morning. You’re not the one they call when they’re hungry, dying or scared.

I am more than happy to listen to your suggestions and solutions. But they may not rise to the top of my to do list. They may not be feasible. They may not even be possible. Don’t take it personally. I’m just doing my best.

 

Posted in Life, seminary, Uncategorized

White or wheat?

Posted on by William Douthwaite

downloadFourth year of seminary education. Married. One in the oven. Time to get a job to make ends meet. Subway is taking applications. Why not?

I was hired at a store on the south side of Ft. Wayne, about twenty minutes from our tiny (before tiny homes were fashionable) home. Back then, the menu was simpler. Only two kinds of bread: white or wheat. Two kinds cheese: American or Swiss. No cookies. No toasted subs. Old school. We didn’t wear gloves, just washed our hands a lot. Cleaning the bathrooms was as gross though. Some things never change.

Since I was about ten years older than most of the crew, I often closed the store at 2 am. One night, just before I locked the front door, a man came in, pointed a long barrel revolver at my head and said, “Give me the money.” Since we dropped the cash about every half hour or so, there was less than $20 in the drawer. Impatiently he demanded, “Just give me the whole thing.” I handed him the money tray and followed his instructions to lay face down on the floor. After a few moments of silence, I locked the front door and called 911 and the store manager.

I was pretty shaken up by the time I got home around 4 am. The assistant store manager was more upset that the thief took the money tray than he was about the stolen cash. I worked a few more shifts after than, but as call day and graduation approached, we were making plans to move…somewhere. We didn’t know where our first call would be for a few months.

I’m always nice to workers at Subway. I get to do what I do today because of people just like them!

Posted in Ask the pastor, Life, neighbor

Do I have to “like” my neighbor?

Posted on by William Douthwaite
gleren-meneghin-246485
Photo by Gleren Meneghin on Unsplash

This is my response to a question recently posed to me. It came via email: ” I know I have to love my neighbor. But do I have to like them?”

That’s a tough one. The phrase “love your neighbor” is in the Old Testament law, is affirmed by Jesus and later quoted by Paul. It’s all over the Bible.

In the context of Leviticus 19:18, it’s all about provision, honesty, integrity and justice for our “neighbor.” Vengeance or nastiness are off the table.

When that phrase, “love your neighbor” appears in Paul’s letters or James, it supports the commandments which protect life, relationships, property and reputation. The motivation for those laws is the other person, not God.

Jesus mentions it to those who wanted to be righteous and obey the law. His words makes us realize that it’s not just about the rules, but the person.

But the go to passage is probably the parable of the Good Samaritan, which Jesus told to those who wanted to be righteous and wanted to know who their neighbor was (Luke 10:25-37). Here, the neighbor is obviously the one who showed mercy. If one were to imagine the aftermath of this story, I doubt that the Samaritan and the victim became good friends and went out for coffee. Love for the neighbor was the action of having mercy and meeting a need. Feelings are not mentioned. Just the compassion.

That doesn’t let us off the hook, though. Hatred and anger make us murders and fifth-commandment law breakers. I’ve struggled with this. I can barely talk to my neighbors across the street with civility. They are my second-worst neighbors ever! When they tried to sell their home a few years ago, I was, quite frankly, pretty excited. But they didn’t sell. Boo.

First, I believe people like this in our lives are there to remind us of how hard we are to love and how amazing Jesus’ capacity to love is. I mean, think about it. Jesus loves me.

Second, I can beat myself up for not loving my neighbor or I can flee for refuge to his infinite mercy. I know he would have me do the latter. Part of the reason Israel went into exile was because they had turned away from God and their neighbor as the rich became richer and the poor became poorer. But that was to teach them that God’s way was better. I want to learn from them. I’ll turn to him.

Third, there are a lot of people in the bible who don’t get along with each other. The disciples fought among themselves, Paul wasn’t especially fond of Peter, Paul didn’t like Mark either, and Jews and Samaritans generally ignored each other. It’s the rule, not the exception. Two thousand years into the history of the Christian Church, we still can’t get along with each other. This is what we and every generation are like.

So can we just ignore our aggravating neighbors? No. Can we avoid them. No. Can we hate them? No. Can we love them? Yes. But only with a lot of help! We only love because he first loved us.

I believe the answer is to simply be obedient. Most of the time I don’t feel like doing what God wants me to do. I do it because I know that his way is best for me. We walk by the Spirit, not the feelings or desires of our flesh.

Who knows, maybe God will change your feelings toward that person?

Posted in church, Ministry, seminary

“Would you like to try some toilet paper?”

Posted on by William Douthwaite

Toilet-Paper-2My previous memories of making snack mix brought to mind the first job I worked at the seminary with Sitko Field Services. Apparently, the population of Ft. Wayne, IN, represented a good cross section of America, so it was a hot spot for market research. Our job (Lisa worked there, too) involved phone and door-to-door surveys and product testing. Sue Sitko, the owner, brought big city marketing experience to the heartland, and helped us pay the bills as I studied to be a pastor.

The world was very different back then. In the office, I didn’t sit at a computer screen waiting for numbers to be automatically dialed for me. We sat in front of a phone with a page from the phone book and a stack of surveys, calling down the list to find someone who would answer some questions for us. More people than you would imagine were willing to talk to us about television shows, over the counter medications and restaurants. The only hard part was finding the right age group of people to talk to for a representative sample.

One weekend my job was to sit and width the NFL Pro Bowl and jot down every commercial. A boring game and a boring afternoon, but it was good money.

The really interesting part was the door-to-door work. Sometimes you walked around with a clipboard full of surveys, seeking a face-to-face conversation at someone’s home. Yes, this was a different time. But other times the goal was placing a product for them to try. I would go back a week later, get some reaction to the products, and leave a different batch for them to try. It was one thing to get people to test crackers, soda or dog food, but imagine some of the responses I got when I asked, “Would you like to test some toilet paper?” It was tougher but not impossible to find willing participants. Especially if they were one of those families who waited till they used the last sheet before going to store for more. When the survey was over, we got to take home some of the extra product, too.

I used to get survey phone calls, but haven’t for a while. When I did, I tried to answer the questions. I guess I still have a soft spot in my heart for those in search of market research interviews.

When you’re praying for me, say a little prayer of thanks for Sue Sitko, who was a part of preparing me for the pastoral ministry.

Posted in church, Life, Ministry, seminary

Snack mix

Posted on by William Douthwaite

DSC_0108There is a lot I have forgotten from my years at the seminary, but one memory that continually resurfaces is one of the jobs I had to pay the bills my last year there: making snack mix. In the days before prepackaged Chex snack mix appeared on grocery store shelves, you had two choices. You could make it at home, which plenty of families did. Or, at least in northeast Indiana, you could but it bulk in a grocery story, who got it from a friend of mine who actually owned a little factory that made one product, snack mix.

It wasn’t especially hard work. If I remember correctly, one team opened case after case of boxes of Chex cereal and Cheerios, carefully slitting open the inner bag so it poured out just right. The second team mixed together a precise recipe of the cereal, pretzels, oil, lots of garlic, and a few peanuts in large bins. The next team would bake the mix in large aluminum trays. Some days you worked the final step, bagging up the cooled mix and boxing it up for shipment to several grocery chains.

It was a popular product. We made tons and tons of snack mix. I’m pretty sure my wife was making it right up to the day our first child was born. (I suppose that’s why it has always been one of his favorite snacks!) I think we got to bring some home to eat. But I know we always came home smelling like garlic. No threat from vampires in our home!

So when someone asks, “What do you have to do to become a pastor?” there are stories just like this, jobs of every shape and size that helped you get through seminary years that were lean in resources but rich in theology. I owe a lot to the guy who came up with the idea of making and selling “mix” so that we (and a few other seminarians) could earn a few bucks and serve the church.

Posted in church, Grace, Ministry

Denied.

Posted on by William Douthwaite
peter-miranda-21643
Photo by Peter Miranda on Unsplash

I just started reading the Old Testament book of Jeremiah, and I think I had forgotten how harsh that prophetic message is. By the end of the second chapter God is basically saying, “Don’t come to me for help. Go to all those gods you’ve been worshiping” (Jeremiah 2:28).

So I began to wonder, at what point could I turn someone away who has been away from the church for a long, long time, but comes back for some a la carte spiritual food? Like someone who you haven’t heard from in about fifteen years who calls up one day and says, “Can I get my kids baptized this Sunday?” Or another who stops by the church now and again and sends an email asking me to do their wedding eighteen months from now. I denied both requests.

Of course I felt guilty. How could I not, seeing as how Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son being welcomed home? And there have been families who have been away for a while who have recently reconnected with the church. And I had no problem with them.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” I always thought Uncle Ben said that to Peter Parker (Spiderman). Actually, it is attributed to Voltaire. Anyway, it applies here. Jesus gives the church the authority to forgive or not, to loose or bind people in their sin.

But how do you know whether to apply mercy or accountability in a given situation? The catechism says you forgive the sins of the repentant. But how do you know if someone is repentant?

The bottom line is, you don’t. You can talk to someone and try to understand their story. You could look for the fruits of repentance. But in the end, you really don’t know. I tend to lean towards compassion, but in the two examples above, I just couldn’t do it.

Sometimes Jesus said, “I don’t condemn you.” Other times he said, “You’re already condemned” (John 3:18). Jesus didn’t like it when the Pharisees shut heaven’s door in people’s faces. Yet he also warned against giving pearls to the pigs.

But Jesus was better at sorting things out. He’s really good at reading hearts and minds.

And he’s great at keeping me on task. I’m not supposed to be a religious sub-contractor, providing various services. I’m just the messenger.

 

Posted in Confirmation Class, Ministry

Maybe we need more discussions.

Posted on by William Douthwaite
brooke-cagle-170053
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

I knew it would be quiet. It usually is. Sixth commandment night at confirmation class: “You shall not commit adultery.”

The catechism’s explanation isn’t too risqué: “sexually pure and decent life in what you say and do” and “husband and wife love and honor each other.” But when you get down to the nitty-gritty, there’s plenty of giggles, shock and silence.

Where do we start? Right at the beginning. Male and female, be fruitful and multiply, hold fast, one flesh. God’s gift of sex is a good thing in the context of marriage.

However teacher and students live in a world where countless variations on that theme exist outside the marriage relationship. From pre-marital sex to same sex relationships to rape and incest, the discussion gets very real very quickly. As soon as we jumped in the deep end, one student remarked, “Pastor, you don’t have to talk this. My mom already tried. I told her we had teachers to explain it to us.”

I thought that was pretty interesting. From his point of view, this was a topic to be covered at school, not at home and certainly not at church! Though only a few wanted to admit it, I am sure they had all been exposed to the sexual variations I mentioned. Maybe more. They just didn’t want to talk about it.

Which is probably why we’ve got a lot of the problems we do. Teen pregnancies, chronic STDs, more charges of harassment every day. Maybe a few discussions with our middle schoolers can make a dent. Maybe a few discussions at home, too.

 

Posted in church, Ministry

The nativity: it’s all ours.

Posted on by William Douthwaite

screen-shot-2015-12-28-at-9-57-20-pm.pngAs I was tagging along with my wife, the day’s errands took us to Michael’s, a place filled with “arts and crafts, custom framing, home decor & seasonal products” and more than anything else: Christmas! Well over half the store was devoted to everything red, silver and gold on a green backdrop. According to the latest flyer, it’s all 50% off, too. You better get over there. And I mean now.

I started thinking about this thing called Christmas. This thing that has taken on a life of its own. This thing that now occupies two of the twelve months of the year. This thing that drives so much retail and online sales. This thing that we thought was a sacred holiday, but has long since been taken captive by our culture.

Church, I have sobering news for you. You are not going to get Christmas back. You’ve lost that battle. You’ve lost this culture war. There is nothing you can do to get Christ back in Christmas. It is now a fully secular event. You may participate in it, but it is not yours anymore.

But that’s OK. Really. Because we still have something. Something different. Something real. The nativity. That is still ours.

That’s the story. That’s the real story. And the world doesn’t want that. So it’s ours. It’s all ours.

So that’s what we’ll celebrate. That’s what we’ll proclaim. That’s the story we’ll tell. The nativity. That’s what you’ll hear me talk about. O, I like Christmas as much as the next guy. I’m in for trees, lights, songs, presents, cookies, snowmen, “Elf”, penguins, snow and fruitcake. But when it comes to church, we’re doing nativity. The festival of the nativity. The birth of the Savior, the King, the Christ.

That’s what you’ll be hearing me talk about. Not Christmas. Nativity.